Obama: he’s just like us … only better
Posted on 05. Jan, 2010 by jessekg in Politics, Uncategorized, media
He rocks the “I’m on an important phone call” stance better than anyone
Ever since Obama-mania began the powers that be decided it would be a good idea to document every bit of minutiae with photographs and share it on the most popular social media site for budding photographers – Flickr. The white house is one of the few contacts I have on my Flickr account (those whores will accept anybody as friends), and my life is now more complete seeing Obama perform his daily, completely ordinary tasks, just like you and me.
But then I started adding things up, and realized that even in Obama’s normalcy, he makes me feel like that annoying elf from the puppet version of Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer who really wants to be a dentist and whose only claim to fame is that he said something “smelled like pee soup” and kids everywhere laughed their asses off.
And so, a look back over the year at official White House photos by Pete Souza, showing that even though Obama is just like us, he’s just a better, more important version.
He stretches …
Although President of the United States, Obama also finds time to fit in a good stretch and a yawn. Thank god Souza was there to capture this moment, letting the rest of the world know that look, Obama really is just like us.
He hangs out by the punch clock …
Although this image looks like Obama is just chilling by the punch clock, waiting to get off work, the truth is that he actually is the punch clock. White House workers have to walk by him, give him a high five (or bump fists), and that automatically enters all of their personal information into Obama’s super brain, not only ensuring they are who they say they are, but also downloading the time of their arrival onto an excel spreadsheet tracking their monthly tardiness.
He eats popcorn …
And when he’s done munching on this delicious snack, his feces is collected and turned into bio-fuel, thus solving the global energy shortage. That’s right, I said thus.
He reads …
Nothing out of the ordinary here – to the untrained eye. Look closely you can see that Obama is indeed reading a book, but at the exact same time he is writing another memoir. He is the only person in the world capable of reading and absorbing the information from a book while at the same time crafting some of the most profound and moving sentences known to man.
He plays peekaboo …
The major difference though is that when Obama plays peekaboo, he actually disappears.
He moves furniture …
Anybody can move furniture, just like this quaint little portrait of Obama helping around the office. What people don’t know about this image though is that when Obama moves a couch, no matter the size, it contains enough loose change to feed all the world’s hungry, not to mention sleeps three … billion.
He air golfs …
Exactly 0.66 seconds after Obama took his imaginary shot though, a patriot missile appeared out of thin air, dropped from the sky and killed Osama Bin Laden. In the fallout was found a piece of shrapnel with the words:
Dear Osama,
Hugs and kisses.
Love, Obama
He balls …
Obama has never been shy about his love for playing ball with the fellas, but one thing people don’t know is that Obama is like a better version of the Harlem Globetrotters. While they resort to tricks and playing fake opponents, everything Obama does is real. To top it off, no one has ever scored on Obama – ever! It’s official White House policy, and just shortly after Education Secretary Arne Duncan, shown here, had the nerve to release a jumper over Obama’s head, he was shot and killed. Obama now practices free throws with Duncan’s severed head, and he sinks every one.
He glows …
You would too if you were the second coming of Christ, which you aren’t, so just get over it and hail to the chief of the universe.
Simon
Jan 5th, 2010
Norris/Obama would definitely outdraw Pacquiao/Mayweather.
More pertinently, who is that little baby crawling over White House furniture? How did he get in there? Are dwarven terrorists posing as toddlers the next national threat?
Avril
Jan 7th, 2010
Haha – I love this. I’d be WAY more punctual to work if I knew his air-golf-swing-of-death awaited a late clock-in.
Jef
Jan 7th, 2010
Awesome. You killed me on the reading and writing one. But ayo, where’s Biden??
jessekg
Jan 7th, 2010
Ya, Biden just doesnt get as much love from the photographer’s Flickr account. There are a few shots in there but it’s pretty clear Souza has a giant man crush on his boss.