The Ashcan

I’m watching ‘Legally Blond the musical’ whether I want to or not

Posted on 25. Jan, 2010 by Simon in Music, Pop Culture

Imagine the Terminator going to town on Avenue A

You know how everybody complains about the lack of originality in the movie industry these days? Basically, all new films seem to be based on one of three things: a book, a retro-franchise reboot, or is a sequel. These aren’t even mutually exclusive subsets. Increasingly, there is a fourth category being added (YouTube shorts) but that’s still a burgeoning field.

Regardless, what does it say that most new musicals are based on rehashed movies? Here’s a list of the last four shows to win the Tony award for best musical: Billy Elliott, In The Heights, Spring Awakening, Jersey Boys. That’s some stellar entertainment right there. Jersey Boys doesn’t even feature original music.

Since RENT no musical has actually achieved any sort of cultural relevance, which made the experience of watching it this past weekend all the more jarring. Now nearly 20 years old, the Jonathan Larson musical is still a timeless story (technically I suppose it’s Puccini’s timeless story, but whatevs) with great tunes, but frankly, it’s the first time I’ve watched it and thought “man, this show is dated”.

It’s not just that AIDS has somewhat slid out of the spotlight in North America (itself an interesting phenomena) but it just seems a little ironic to now be watching a story about bohemian art ideals on its 5th international tour, during it’s 16th year, having grossed over $200-million odd dollars. I’m not going to get into an argument about authenticity here, but I’m just saying all the emotion and precociousness that made RENT endearing in its youth is showing its age — kind of like the musical theatre version of Dashboard Confessional.

As a result, I’ve decided to outline a few of my personal ideas for musicals that I’ve been working on, secretly, hammering out melodies on my casio keyboard and recorder. Glee is bringing the gravy train back to musical theatre and these ideas are going to be right at the vanguard. Hop aboard while you can.

Terminator 2: The Musical

This is begging to be made. My friend and I have been kicking around song titles for nearly a year now. “Caught in your Skynet”, “Hasta La Vista”, “Come with me (If you want to live) Reprise” are some of my personal favourites. The plot of this sci-fi classic is perfect too, with a small ensemble cast, an epic journey and a mess of conflict. All this would need is a dash of love interest — perhaps John Conner meets a special young futurist in the musical version, or the Terminator falls in love with a Dyson vacuum?

Omar Little and the Baltimore Barksdales

Tell me you wouldn’t watch a musical about The Wire’s superhuman Robin Hood, harmonizing his way through drug dealers and homophobes on the gritty streets of a Baltimore stage set? I mean, a gay gangster who steals and murders criminals in the hardest neighbourhood on earth? If that doesn’t sound like a Tony award, I don’t know what does. The main theme would have to be titled “My name is my name”, even though that isn’t Omar’s line. Either that or “The cheese stands alone”.

Obama

An accompanied retelling of the President’s magical 2008 election run! Wait, somebody already did this? In Germany? Fuck.

Tags: In the Heights, Jersey Boys, Musical Theatre, musicals, Obama, Omar Little, Rent, Spring Awakening, Terminator the musical, The guy from law and order was an original RENT cast member??