Vancouver 2010: Canada’s hottest Olympians

Our Olympians are hotter than yours.

With a mere roster of 15 sports—mostly variations on skiing, skating and sledding—the Winter Olympics just don’t seem as exciting as the Summer games. And since snowboarding, hockey and figure skating are the most high profile activities, many of you may need an incentive (you unpatriotic jerks) to focus full attention on the Games starting Feb. 12. This is why I have compiled a brief list of Team Canada hotties to help familiarize you with our Vancouver-bound athletes. Think I’m being crass? Thank me after this list helps you name drop winter athletes beyond Jarome Iginla (made the list) and Hayley Wickenheiser (didn’t) during your morning water cooler session. Plus, why else would CTV.ca publish their photos, other than to allow me to ogle and judge our country’s top athletes based on their looks?

LADIES

Tessa Bonhomme, hockey

Who doesn’t love a blonde hockey player? This 24-year-old Sudbury native plays defence and was named captain for her senior year playing for Ohio State University.

Alex Gough, luge

Gough, from Calgary, previously competed at the Turin games. Yes, that is a lip ring. Even more reason you should watch the 23-year-old hurtle down a frozen deathslide.

Mellisa Hollingsworth, skeleton

Calgarian Hollingsworth, 29, is a bad-ass bitch for competing in the skeleton. If you don’t know, the skeleton is tobaggoning face-forward—not on a magic carpet but a special sled that reaches FORCES UP TO 5Gs.

Kalyna Roberge, short track speed skating

If you’ve never watched speed skating before, you’re missing out. It is basically hypnotizing and the athletes have the most impeccable bodies out there. Since she’s a short track speed skater, Roberge, 23, from St-Étienne de Lauzon, QC needs to be extra powerful.

Joannie Rochette, figure skating

I’m partial toward Montrealer Rochette, 24, since my magazine worked with her and her sponsor Joico for a campaign. She’s adorable though. If you ever needed an incentive to watch premier athletes perform acrobatics on fucking ice, then she’s it.

Kimiko Zakreski, snowboard

Zakreski, 25, from St. Albert, AB, finished 18th in the 2009 world championships. I’m going to bet that’s good because pretty much everyone and their mom (but not mine) snowboards these days. Admit it, the last time you heard of a class going on a ski trip, you were in grade school

FELLAS

Francois Boivin, snowboard

Fantasizing about a hot snowboarder is my bizzarro version of a lingering grade school lust for skateboarders. 27-year-old Boivin from Saguenay, QC could get it. But only if he wins gold. I have standards.

Vaughn Chipeur, figure skating

I know what you’re thinking, but it’s not like he’s Emanuel “steady-triple-axling” Sandhu or something. Chipeur, 25, from Edmonton likes to skate in oxford shirts and khakis. Kind of like Bradley Cooper on ice. Tasty.

Chris Del Bosco, freestyle skiing

I guess I like freestyle skiing because it’s the most reckless of the boring sports. Del Bosco, 28, gets hot points for making a totally WASP-y sport extra fun by jumping really high in the air and somehow managing to land with ankles in tact.

Jarome Iginla, hockey

You knew it was coming. I will gladly put up with my roommate’s overexcited yelling to watch beautiful Iginla help Team Canada to this country’s athletic birthright—HOCKEY GLORY.

Olivier Jean, short track speed skating

A Canadian Olympian with dreadlocks? I find this as unsurprising as that whole Ross Rebagliati thing. But I like gingers, and gingers with large thigh muscles like Lachenaie, QC’s Jean, 25, are likely to be especially riveting.

Chris Le Bihan, bobsleigh

The bobsleigh has a special place in pop culture thanks to a certain film (which, as I recently discovered, goes by the name Rasta Rocket in France). I really, really hope 32-year-old Bihan from Grand Prarie, AB, is the bobsleigh pusher because…