The LOST Interrobang: SMH (S6E3)

Knowing that the ingredients for a good LOST episode is a healthy mix of “!!” and “??” Jef and Anupa will be interrobanging the show’s final season every week. As LOST winds down to its conclusion, can its creators dish out all the needed explanations without resorting to exposition? Can they keep up the mystery without succumbing to just more mindfuckery? It’s only week two and already the confusion is settling in. SPOILERS after the jump:

Anupa: K

SO

I don’t know if it’s humanly possible but I am even more confused than after the season premiere

Jef: Yeah I mean this is just an initial reaction but this episode kind of sucked pretty hard

It was called “What Kate Does”

I assume the answer is “Sucks.”

Anupa: Truer words have never been spoken

WE GET IT

she RUNS and will DO ANYTHING TO GET WHAT SHE WANTS

The marshall cleared that up for us back in Season 1

Kate could be the most one dimensional character in history. Her arc is always the same: charming, tough, defiant, coward, CRY. REPEAT.

Jef: It irked the hell out of me when Sawyer bounced and she was like “I can bring him back.” The line is delivered like Kate’s a G but really the line just means “I hope Sawyer still likes me?”

Kate’s a little too confident in the power of her privates. But yo Sawyer hasn’t just moved on to another character (Juliet), Sawyer’s moved on to another level altogether. He’s been fleshed out and taken in new directions and you’re right, here’s Kate hitting that one note over and over like her piano’s broken and so BORING.

Anupa: For realsies. Kate has been trying mad hard to get with Sawyer since Juliet died last episode.

Yeah, I mean, both my roommate and I screamed in unison when Sawyer did his whole ring-toss thing. We love emo-Sawyer. I will buy any calendar that he is shirtless on.

Jef: Which is like every calendar he’s possibly in?

You’re good.

Anupa: Calendars for every possible place I can ever be in.

What do you think about Sawyer dipping?

Jef: That’s fair. This is what I’m saying about Sawyer’s development. He’s essentially the same dude but he’s grown. He isn’t bouncing just because, ‘Oh that Sawyer, such a lone wolf!” He’s bouncing because he hates these people. They left him for dead. Then came back and tried to save him and he didn’t need saving. Now they’re trapped in some stupid temple and Sawyer is right, the shit is stupid and boring. Sawyer is +1 for breaking out.

Anupa: Yeah but the thing that makes chain-like noises..SHHH!

I am a self-professed pussy though, so I would pull a Hurley and just cool out in the temple.

Jef: Which brings us to ugh, the temple

Anupa: This temple irritates me. The Temple of No Answers.

Jef: STILL not feeling Fu-Manchu and his John Lennon sidekick

Anupa: Why did he have to speak another language in the first place if he was just going to end up speaking English. UNNECESSARY.

Jef: Guy, I have a whole list of unnecessary shit that happened in this episode

This episode was mad fan fiction-ish

Anupa: HAHAHA

(Aside: my mom writes fan fiction for a Bollywood soap opera. It is mad embarrassing but I`ma embrace shit in 2010)

Shall we explore your unnecessary list?

Jef: Haha. To be clear, I don’t hate fan fiction. But I don’t want my canon to feel like the shit I can just write myself when I’m high.

Okay yeah, I’ll just give examples but just a few because they are boring

But look:

WHY does the temple lackey tell Kate “Better not slow us down?” She’s the reason you’re going after Sawyer in the first place. It’s a stupid fucking line

Anupa: Agreed.

Jef: WHY are there those guards blocking the door to Fu-Manchu’s bonsai garden office, but then Jack is just all “Step aside.” And then they just STEP ASIDE.

I have a WHOLE LIST of this shit.

Anupa: (That’s kind of like Kate completely ignoring the fact that she FLEW IN WITH SUN and that obviously Jin wanted to go with her so he could track Sun as well and then being all like ‘psh, whatever Jin’)

Jef: Oh and don’t forget my fucking favourite:

“Take my credit card.”

Anupa: AHAHAHAHHA

Jef: “TAKE MY CREDIT CARD”?

Anupa: That better get answered!!!!

Jef: There can’t be an answer for that!

Yeah, Kate can do something cool with the card I guess, and it can tie back to Claire

but there is NO REASON for this girl to give her a fucking credit card

Anupa: That is what must happen for me to justify that whole back and forth actually happening

Let us move on from shitty plot points to another shitty arc: this whole Sayid being possessed and needing to take a poison pill thing

I was kind of impressed that Jack popped that thing into his mouth; that would have been a most satisfactory way for the writers to off him since I hate him

Jef: I want the writers to realize that Jack doesn’t have to suck!

Anupa: Tweet them.

Jef: Because whoever wrote this episode wasted our time

Here is what they did to waste an hour:

1) Jack must give pill to Sayid because Sayid must take pill willingly

2) Jack is of course wary, struggles with dilemma

3) Jack takes the pill himself

4) Fu-Manchu reveals the pill is full of poison

5) My brain explodes because if the pill is just full of poison, why does Sayid have to take it willingly?

Anupa: I know. He made it sound like it was full of magic.

Jef: OK I just got it now: Whoever is in that body has to poison themselves willingly?

Anupa: Whatever!

Jef: I’m hating all of this.

Anupa: Me too. Imagine I gave up on Lost right now.

I won’t, but imagine?

Anyway, let’s move off of that stupid storyline on to more interesting things… LIKE CLAIRE.

So she stumbles out of the cab after Kate carjacks it and we discover she is indeed pregnant!

Jef: Pretty! I would buy a Claire calendar if she didn’t photograph so horribly. (Sorry Claire)

Anupa: (She also blubbers a lot and it makes me want to hit you for liking her)

Blubbering + Aussie accent = worst sound in the world

Jef: (I don’t have many options on this show. I refuse to crush on Kate.)

Oh but I love the Aussie accent. Look how off topic we are! My bad.

Anupa: UM HELLO? SUN!

Jef: Yes, but Sun looks like someone I know.

ANYWHOOS.

Anupa: Don’t you remember the episode she wore a bikini? Cus I do!

YAO!

Jef: RIP Ana Lucia and Naomi (She looked like <3)

Anupa: (ah yes, Naomi. I would.)

LOL

Okay so Claire meets Kate, they become friends, ETHAN SHOWS UP, Aaron gets name-dropped, turns out it’s a false alarm, Claire does Kate a solid

What the shitfuck is Ethan doing there?

Jef: Yeah, the Ethan thing was another example of how sloppy this episode was

Not only do they not convey ANY of the significance of him being there — I’m not creeped out, I’m not surprised, I’m NOTHING — but they have that useless scene where Kate is like ‘Where’s the doctor?’ And she rushes to find the doctor. And it’s all for absolutely no reason.

Anupa: I think I might have missed that last part because I was tweeting about how boring the episode was.

Jef: You might have missed it because it was useless.

Do we have anything cool to talk about?

Anupa: Yes

When Fu Manchu reveals the horrible sickness and says he knows about it BECAUSE IT HAPPENED TO YOUR SISTER

and then Jin gets trapped in a bear claw trap thingy and a dutty Claire shoots the others to ‘help’ him

Jef: Ayo, “Because it happened to your sister” is an AWESOME ending.

Too bad it wasn’t the ending?

When we see Claire it’s a double reveal. BORING.

Anupa: No way Jose.

Jef: Haha

Anupa: They just talked about her. Then we actually get to SEE her. Alive.

Jef: Acting all French and shit.

Anupa: Hannah (Editor: i.e. The Roomate) and I screamed like losers at the end like ‘Why is this happening to our lives?’

OMG they took her bhaby

Is that really all that happened?

Jef: I dunno, this is why all this new shit is kind of missing me

It’s season 3 redux. It’s the weirdass ‘Others’ again, they’re even literally another group of the Others, but the Others mystique is kinda gone, isn’t it?

Anupa: Yeah. Now I am just anticipating some time-sucking, vague-ass shit from them

We will lie to you and then get caught in our lies and then something!

Jef: Oh yeah, the lies and shit

Like the mind games with the pill is SO Juliet in the fish tank with the food

But that was back when the Others were actually mysterious, like 3 years ago

Anupa: On the Island apparently mysteriousness is not passe

Jef: Tell me more about Richard! I don’t care about Fu-Manchu.

Anupa: Even though he is your bredren?

Jef: I am blowing mysterious dust at you.

Anupa: But I am possessed by not-Jacob so you cannot harm me.

Lost is the worst show ever.

Jef: I give this episode an “!”.

Lots of shocks and reveals. No genuine mystery.

Anupa: Can I give it a middle finger?