George Lopez bringing his suck to Speedy Gonzales

It's always about the cheese.

According to reports yesterday, horrible comedian George Lopez will be bringing his REALLY LOUD delivery to a live action/CG hybrid film adaption of Looney Tunes character Speedy Gonzales. What? What’s that, Reuters? Oh right, it’s a POLITICALLY CORRECT live action/CG hybrid film adaptation.

Speedy, for those that don’t know, is a rodent who runs really fast and talks with a Mexican accent and wears a neckerchief with big sombrero hat. He is sometimes trying to sneak through borders. Lots of people think the character is offensive. A little more ridiculous than Speedy’s shtick however is Hollywood’s solution to it: “We’ll make him a race car driver! And he’ll sound just like George Lopez!”

“We wanted to make sure that it was not the Speedy of the 1950s — the racist Speedy,” said the comedian’s wife Ann Lopez, who will serve alongside him as a producer. “Speedy’s going to be a misunderstood boy who comes from a family that works in a very meticulous setting, and he’s a little too fast for what they do. He makes a mess of that. So he has to go out in the world to find what he’s good at.”

That path becomes clearer once Speedy befriends a gun-shy race-car driver.

Good call, Hollywood. Let’s make movies based on things we don’t even like in the first place then change them so totally that everything about the project is fucking pointless in the end. And yes, the world needs more George Lopez please!

In other news, I’m really looking forward to that Shia LaBeouf-voiced Pepe Le Pew adaptation where rather than a rapist he’s a Bronx-born sensitive skunk dealing with close-minded old-world immigrant parents who refuse to accept his inter-racial dates with cats. In Imax Smell-o-Vision.

(News via)
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