Spectacle: The sideways reality of pro sports losers
Posted on 25. May, 2010 by Avril in fashion, spectacle, Sports
Swapping helmets for hard-earned, and quickly churned out, championship gear
Full disclosure: I don’t really follow sports. Even during the insanity that is playoff time. And if you should ever catch me watching any game for any longer than the time it takes to read the score, then chances are a) the remote control is out of reach and I’m too lazy to get it, OR b) I’m at my boyfriend’s place and, hockey/baseball/whatever happens to be the best option of the four basic cable channels available.
This past Sunday was a case of the latter. It was the Sharks- Blackhawks match-up and Chicago had just won 4-2, clinching the Western Conference title– and a trip to the Stanley Cup finals. And, as cheers ricocheted around the stadium, up skated Duncan Keith for some cliche-peppered chit-chat with the commentator.
I’m sure his post-game thoughts were just illuminating, but I was distracted by other things. Most notably the blood seeping from the gum sockets that used to house SEVEN of Keith’s teeth, before he took a puck to the face. (When the Blackhawk’s top defenseman said, “You’ve got leave it all on the ice,” he wasn’t fucking kidding. He left four bottom and three top teeth out there.)
There's a face only a mother could love...
Aside from that, I soon zeroed in on the embroidered baseball cap that got jammed on his sweaty hair, at some point during the interview. Not five minutes after the win, here was one of those “Conference Champions” hats, clearly printed in anticipation of the win.
It makes sense. To get ready for any big playoff game, each side has to print up gear declaring their own team the winner. Vendors need to be prepared with enough commemorative crap not only for players and staff, but also to meet fan demand.
But what happens to the piles of championship merch printed up for the losing team?
Think back to Super Bowl XLI (That’s right, you’ll have to use those fifth grade Roman numeral lessons after all). Based on strong sales from Chicago’s 2007 NFC Championship win, Sports Authority printed more than 15,000 shirts, crowning the Bears the Super Bowl victors– well before the game even started. Sucked to be them, though, when the Colts ended up taking the title, 29-17, and sending Chicago fans home heartbroken– and hatless.
As it turns out, much like the sideways reality in Lost, there’s an alterna-universe where the 2007 Chicago Bears, 2009 St. Louis Cardinals, and 2010 San Jose Sharks can watch their playoff fantasies become a reality. A place where the New England Patriots did indeed play a legendary perfect season. We call that world “The Third World.”
Seriously.
Rex Grossman should probably avoid Romania as a vacation spot
Rather than destroy misprinted apparel, organizations like World Vision now work with MLB, NFL, and NBA to collect the sheepish gear and disperse it among poverty-stricken countries. (It wasn’t until two years go that MLB changed its rule about destroying hats and shirts, and started donating them instead). The Colts’ “Super Bowl Champ” tees from this year’s showdown against the Saints now clothe survivors in earthquake-ravaged Haiti. Last year, the Cardinals’ gear was donated to El Salvador. Mislabeled items have also been sent to Romania (where kids in that chillly climate probably gladly sported mislabeled hoodies), as well as Zambia, Chad, Chile, and Bolivia.
You've got a fan out there somewhere, Baskett
It’s a win-win, really. The playoff gear doesn’t go to waste, the less fortunate get clean, new clothing, and makers of the losing team’s apparel make up some of the losses by writing off the charitable donations at tax time.
Of course there’s a reason, that these tees don’t just get chucked into the local Goodwill. Overseas donation is part of the agreement between World Vision and the leagues, so that players like Hank “Butterfingers” Baskett don’t burst into tears when they run into what could have been plastered across a T-shirt.
So look closely at the next World Vision commercial that comes up on your screen. There’s a small chance you can peer into this universe: Nicaraguan children clad in XL-sized tees, emblazoned with “19-0″, and happy to be wearing it.
Simon
May 26th, 2010
I spent about 5 minutes trying to to think of a witty joke about how this means Haiti and Michigan are now essentially dressed the same, but couldn’t think of a way to make it tactful.
So, yea. There you go.
Next up: an Applebees in Sierra Leone.
jessekg
May 26th, 2010
I’ve wondered what happened to these for sooo long, no jokes.
And honestly, that kid at the bottom in the XL T looks pissed, like she knows what’s up
Dust
May 27th, 2010
I wonder if any of this stuff gets sold in the third world for a cheap buck, rather than just giving it away?
-d