How girls watch World Cup soccer
Posted on 14. Jun, 2010 by Anupa in Sports, Television
Cristiano Ronaldo, the poster child for soccer thighs
FULL DISCLOSURE: I am a girl. Also, I am not a female misogynist. To make things clearer, I like to watch soccer, but I’ve noticed that when I (along with my lady friends) watch the beautiful game we make some interesting observations that make the dudes around us screwface. Ranging from oglisms over soccer thighs to murmured approvals of the extra green pitch—it’s not all hetero-chick squealing—girl quips might help you learn a thing or two while you’re intensely focussed on Maradona’s coaching or Bocanegra’s captaining. At the very least, it’s better than listening to the vuvuzelas on blast.
Soccer thighs
My favourite kind of man is a soccer player. World Cup time is when girls and gays will dismiss their use’ skinny, arty misanthropes for brawny, tawny slabs of man meat. Normally, we hate the slow mo recaps that help decipher plays, fouls, goals or other more functional elements of the sport for viewers — but zoom in and slow down a thighs-splayed soccer slide? Girllllll…
The colours!
Aside from taking note of each team’s kit to help understand who is who, we like to delve a little further into squadly sartorial choices. You may overhear one girl saying to the next, Where can I get those stripy Paraguayan socks? Or, I love how they layer longsleeves under their jerseys. And it’s probably the only time you’ll hear a girl over the age of 16 say, You know, I love how blue and yellow look together. You bond with the sport through yelling and drinking, we praise our team’s well-thought-out kit. Big ups Netherlands, who make orange look so good.
Hair tips
It’s not like you didn’t get cornrows when Beckham did it. Fancy hair is to soccer what words are to books: A NECESSITY. So whether it’s floppy, bleached, buzzed, knotted or braided, we will likely dis it or praise it.
Jersey swap
Like the whole walking out with the kid thing (which has us crying tears of estrogen), we enjoy the jersey swap that happens at the end of the game. This is a sign of good faith between the players and countries and ladies love peace. It’s also the time to catch a peek of sweaty, heaving abs.
Empathy
Despite having a team that I support solidly (England) and except in the case of the USA—because fuck ‘em—I will gladly root for an underdog. Hearing us sympathize with an opposing or losing team might seem strange, but it’s our way of patronizingly acknowledging the effort it took for the other team to get there and face off against the world’s best. Underdog rooting might not evolve into full scale supporting, especially if the underdog is winning, but I can manage an ‘aww’ for Algeria or Australia. But not on Friday when the former plays England.
