The Ashcan

Stereotyping movies based on trailers: Somewhere

Posted on 23. Jul, 2010 by jessekg in Uncategorized

Everybody knows the best parts of every movie are put in the trailer, so as a service, this is where we save you the time and money by telling you if a movie is worth it, based solely on that trailer. This time, Sofia Coppola’s Somewhere, the trailer for which has been out for some time now, but the movie isn’t slated to appear until Christmas holidays.

Ah, Sofia Coppola, you’re like an off and on girlfriend that I’ve known all throughout my life (not literally, but metaphorically speaking). A terrible, mentally abusive metaphorical off and on girlfriend. Of course, at first is grade school, and you repulse me with your death scene in the Godfather part III (which has mostly been swept from the internet but can be seen around the 1:20 mark of this video), making we want to throw sand at you, but then over the years you pull on my heart strings and become endearing, even though, deep down inside I actually want to dislike you. But movies like Lost in Translation make that hard. But then movies like Marie Antoinette make that easy, and of course, remind of of that death scene (*shudder*) and how your pouting face almost messed up Andy Garcia’s chances, so it’s a constant back and forth. And then comes along Somewhere, which based solely on the choice of music for the trailer (an early, acoustic version of the Stroke’s “you only live once” actually called “I’ll try anything once”), puts me right back on board with you. Damn you! And a come back for Stephen Dorff? What!?! That’s just too interesting/weird/totally random to ignore. Anyways, on with the trailer (which I can’t get to embed below so just click here for it) and review.

The Plot:

Stephen Dorff’s character, Johnny Marco, a massive celebrity, parties hard with naked models and vapid Hollywood stereotypes but feels empty inside (poor guy) until his daughter, played by Elle Fanning, gets dumped on him. He takes some time to, you know, get his priorities straight, and they wander through beautiful L.A. landscapes with nice wide angle perspectives, taking us on a bewildering journey through all these areas that we think we know but when Coppola adds her doe-eyed perspective it all just seems that much more precious. Anyways, for the next hour and a half absolutely nothing happens. Just existential conversations on the minutiae of life, until Bill Murray whispers something into Marco’s ear. Instantly Stephen Dorff wakes up from a dream in a roach-infested motel, looks in the mirror, realizes it was all just a dream and that he is still, just in fact Stephen Dorff, and whispers “fuck.” Fade to Black.

The cast:

Stephen Dorff: Plays Johnny Marco, a crazy popular celebrity, which is either a ridiculously inspired casting call on Coppola’s part, or just a huge favour for an old friend (they have apparently known each other for quite some time).

Elle Fanning: plays the daughter, and damn your cold-blooded heart if her big-eyed puppy dog stares and too sweet to be real acceptance of her unusual situation and estranged mother and father doesn’t make you well up.

Benicio Del Toro: Plays somebody referred to as celebrity, so perhaps I take that bit back about Bill Murray, because I have a hunch it’s Benicio that will whisper something into Dorff’s ear (possibly “Viva la revolucion”)

The reception:

Dorff’s performance will be heralded as brilliant, thus cementing his comeback in gold. The Academy award for best actor won’t hurt either, and he will turn into one of the most sought after actors in the U.S., supplanting Depp, Pitt, DiCaprio, et al.

Haha, just kidding. Remember the plot about him waking up in a roach motel? And did you ever hear something about how life imitates art? Exactly. Although people will start to take notice of Elle Fanning, as she will remind them of that sweet, cute, stoic little girl in I Am Sam, buying her a nice little career until she too hits puberty and starts reminding everyone of the not so sweet, not so cute and rather annoying Dakota Fanning.

The movie, of course, will be a big hit, as good sequels to great movies often are (internationally Somewhere will be called Lost in Translation Two: return to L.A.), and Coppola will be heralded with a mountain of screenplay awards, leaving her dad crazy proud, but even more confused, because “damn, Tetro was an amazing screenplay and I got shit for that! Then my spoiled little daughter gets these! agh!!!!” Francis will then go write Tetro Two, about a daughter who steals her father’s spotlight and gets shot and killed on a staircase, a la Godfather part III (ah, the world. So cyclical).

Who will be in the theatre watching this:

I will, and you know you will too. In fact, anyone who wants to pretend they have artistic taste will be there, because that’s what you think of when you hear Sofia Coppola: An accessible art house film that will leave you feeling good. Also, it will make you feel as if you are on the cutting edge of something because your parents still have no idea she was a director, and can’t forgive her for that horrible death scene in Godfather Part III (“Agh, I die!” Fall on stairs in slow motion). It almost ruined their marriage somehow, after all.