• The internet continues to find ways to be awesome this week with an entire website devoted to ?uestlove’s celebrity stories. His MANY celebrity stories. There’s the one about M.I.A. walking into a glass door, and the one about Will Smith’s disappearing mansion, oh and the one about Rosario Dawson getting uppity about an afro pick. (How many crushes just died?) Honestly, I could just choose one anecdote a week and let this thing feed my morning dumps for the next however many months. -jc
• If we’re going to be regaled with celebrity tales, the next best thing after ?uestlove and Charlie Murphy has to be veteran ghostbuster Bill Murray. GQ snagged a rare interview with the gracefully aging comedian and revealed what we already know but enjoy reminding ourselves of: Bill Murray is a funny, funny man. Double Rainbow bonus for Murray’s claiming he did Garfield because he thought it was a Coen brothers movie. That’s going to be my excuse for everything from now on. Oh, I stole your winter tires? Dude, sorry, I totally thought I was in a Coen brothers movie! -sy
• …. and continuing with the celebrity-obsessed tone of this dump, something that’s been on my list ever since I saw Knowing (awful!) and Bad Lieutenant: Port of call New Orleans (awesome!!) in the same week is trying to explain what the hell is up with Nic Cage. How do you go from Leaving Las Vegas and Adaptation, to say, National Treasure? I mean, it’s just baffling. And Raising Arizona? Come on, amazing movie. The guys is a genius, and then he does Face Off. Anyways, now I don’t need to explain it because Dana Stevens at Slate has already done so. Much better than I ever could.-jkg
• And since we’re talking about Bill Murray, why not a little dumpster diving? Like, literally diving in a dumpster on Letterman. When this guys comes out of the wood work, he has his game face on. The following, 10 minute interview isn’t bad either. -jkg

• BLDG BLOG has an amazing, surreal discovery: a board game from the 70s brought to you from the fine people at British Petroleum. Make your own fortune in the exciting world of offshore drilling! It looks so fun I want to cry. (Sadly, no Go Straight to Jail options.)  -jc
• Beards aren’t just the bastion of the hipster and hairy (or your dad), they’re also a genuine expression of follicle fancy. Kevin, BlogTO’s bearded fashion blogger, explores the lives and motivations behind chinwarmers and the fashionable and creative people that sport them in his series Bearded. If you ever considered growing a beard,  have a bear fetish (perhaps, a straight girl who’s into fur), or are just jealous of those who can sprout that much facial hair, Bearded is for you. My dad had a huge 70s one before he and my mom got hitched, and now he’s completely bald. Revel in your hairiness, men. You never know when your body will turn against you! Unless you’re dating me, then no beards for you.-am
• Speaking of beards, get to know Paul Vasquez, aka Yosemitebear, the guy whose video reaction to a double rainbow has gone Youtube viral. He’s been a firefighter and a cagefighter, and is now your average mountainman. I think he could be a new age evangelist–we all need to start enjoying the beauty of nature a lot more! Are we so blase that a double rainbow wouldn’t make you wanna cry, hyperventilate and wonder what it all means? I’m still wondering how they get the caramel in the Caramilk bar?!-am
• If you can get through this review (and it’s hyperlinks) of MIA’s single, ^^^?><>#$@^^, in just one weekend, then you are on a whole other level of a) speed reading, and b) a serious case of nothing else to do but spend all day in front of the computer. Basically, somebody at the blog Four Four took phrases from what looks like hundreds of different reviews, pasted them all together to make a coherent review, and then hyperlinked every single one of them. Kudos to whoever posted it, but did I mention something about having nothing else to do but spend all weekend in front of the computer? -jkg

• Is there anything more recognizable in pop culture than zombies dancing to Thriller? Following up on the one-year anniversary of Michael Jackson’s death, this month’s Vanity Fair features probably the best feature on Jackson and his iconic achievements I have ever read. Mixing interesting facts (did you know the U.S. Library of Congress made Thriller the first music video to be inducted into the National Film Registry?) with candid insight into Jackson’s life at the very apex of his success and cultural relevance, this long form feature flows and informs in the manner of VF’s very best arts and culture pieces. -sy
• And in more Michael news, Toronto writer Rea McNamara wrote and conceptualized a great compendium (which also serves as beautiful reminder of his better days) for This Recording titled, “In which Michael Jackson and Diana Ross become MiDiana.” SIGH. -am
• Let this be clear: I hate Chris Brown. I firmly believe in holding celebrities accountable for their actions (halloooo, like ALL of young Hollywood? and for the rec, Michael didn’t do it), mostly because we don’t and then people blame them for stupid things anyway. Anyway, I’m so not into Chris Brown because it makes me uncomfortable that a) he’s marketed toward very young girls and b) he broke Rihanna’s face. I mean, it’s not like these kids are standing by Brown because of his “remarkable talent” (Kellz comes to mind when I think of another redeemed celeb), but more because he’s hot and always takes his shirt off. Anyway: read this piece by Ann Powers at the L.A. Times if you thought his “LOVE ME, PLEASE” BET Awards cryfest was both horseshit, and troubling.-am
• Moses Znaimer’s ideaCity10 conference recently brought some cool women (and, notably, girls) to Toronto, and they uploaded everyone’s presentations to YouTube a couple of days ago. I recommend checking out Viet-Aussie vlogger Natalie Tran, who brings her lame-on-purpose shtick to a conversation about immigration and awkwardness, and fashion writer prodigy Tavi Gevinson, whom I previously knew only basic stuff about, but who is awesomely uncomfortable as she makes her case for a Sassy magazine revival. “Uhm, yeah, I’m totes a wunderkind, or whatever.” You are! -jc

• Can you remember the last time a reporter got a four star general fired? Maybe you’ve heard, but there was this little article in the latest Rolling Stone about Gen. Stanley McChrystal, commander of all U.S. and joint forces in Afghanistan. Oh wait, sorry. The former commander of those forces.  Sure, writer Michael Hastings crafts a piece that suggests the angle of his story was decided before he even started transcribing quotes, but although truth may be subjective there are character nuggets and quotes sourced for the article that simply cannot be ignored. The feature harkens back to the golden age of Rolling Stone journalism when reporting actually had an impact on the political sphere. Hippies are dead — long live those god damn hippies. -sy
• The Comics Journal reports on a strange but fascinatingly hilarious discovery: a Finnish collection of rejected Beetle Bailey strips that reveal the lecherous side of cartoonist Mort Walker. I seriously doubt any of our current, extremely vanilla Sunday Funnies artists has the balls (ha?) to try and sneak dick jokes into the newspaper, so maybe this is just a peekaboo flash of a time gone bye. Or, maybe, Walker was just a singularly dirty sexist perv. (Yeah that, Boner’s Ark and all.) Either way, this is the first time I’ve ever laughed at Beetle Bailey. -jc
• The relatives of Aqsa Parvez, a teenage domestic violence victim who died in Dec. 2007, were formally charged recently-sentenced to life in prison, with no eligibility for parole until 2028. The resurgence in media attention has brought up some pretty interesting issues-like identity, cultural ‘problems’ versus Canadian problems, and issues regarding access to social programs-but my favourite, and one of the most eloquent, is Uzma Shakir’s opinion piece for rabble.ca, “A Canadian tragedy lost in culture talk.” It’s probably one of the most well-thought out arguments surrounding the fluidity of identity that I’ve read and, in the context of the Parvez case, which the writer says many Canadians dismiss as solely an ‘immigrant problem,’ it makes an excellent case for not just Pakistani Muslims to take responsibility.-am
• When so many arts and ideas mags are busy putting out summer fiction issues, one of my favourites, Maisonneuve, came out of nowhere with the most snarky, blog-like cover I’ve ever seen: “Music we hate.” In it, several music critics pick apart why they hate indie darlings like Broken Social Scene and Animal Collective (never mind the fact that while the first review pans BSS, the second one offers them up as a model of what’s right. That trend continues throughout the feature.) This online supplement to it is a good starting point. For the rest you’ll have to buy the mag though.-jkg

• If you know me well, you know that I think we’re headed for a cultural apocalypse–you know, total breakdown of society based on the values that have been propagated via shitty music, television, books. Anyway, this write-up of Sex and the City 2 (by a dude, no less) for the AMAZING AWESOME FEMINISTY-KINDA BLOG Tiger Beatdown basically reinvigorates my faith in humanity and also articulates exactly how much this franchise has brainwashed women into thinking a Choo, a cocktail and a cock (both gay or straight, varied usage) can solve all of life’s problems.  And, with that, I’ve just created The Ashcan’s very first Sex and the City tag.-am
• Here is where I follow Anupa’s winding of the cultural doomsday clock with a fine piece of arts criticism guilelessly titled “In Praise of Batman Forever“. Ah yes, what a wonder of cinema! [*lifts pinky*] [*sips wine*] I can’t say I overall agree with Matt Ealer on this one (watching Tommy Lee Jones try to out-mug Jim Carrey is fucking depressing), but in criticism there’s a difference between genuine chutzpah and contrarian trolling — if the pop apocalypse comes, Ealer here is on the side of the angels. -jc
• Ever tire of hearing about just how damn funny Canadians are? Ya, me too, but then again, it is sorta true. I mean, we do have some pretty amazing comedic exports, and while I wouldn’t call Michael Cera amazing (and despite the criticism that he is too one dimensional [ps that one dimension is a funny one]), the Walrus ran an interesting and well-written piece by Adam Sternbergh that looks to define the overall Canadian schtick – and he’s right. -jkg
• Now that the NBA Finals are over, I’m already starting to feel the pangs of basketball withdrawal (sorry WNBA, but, no. Just no.) Fortunately, New York magazine has a feature up that sates my desire for long, well-written stories that detail not the glamourous televised side of pro-sports, but the fanatical, addictive, gritty world that helps make all that ABC studio gloss possible. Who’s Tom Konchalski? He isn’t LeBron, but his life is certainly no less surreal. -sy

• So Glee’s done, and after having scoured the interwebs in search of the most amusing article about the finale, I present to you Vanity Fair’s Gay Guide to Glee. It’s gayer than I can convey. Also, dude busts out some seriously Conde Nast sized words. But, you know. Mainly, it’s a really gay guy writing really gaily about a show that, with no irony at all, I confidently would describe as kind of gay. Whee! -sy
• My wife only cries at the breakfast table once a week or so (kidding), but this was different because she was also reading the recent issue of Toronto Life. Watching somebody sob while trying to shove cereal into their mouth is a sad sight to see, so after making her put down the mag, I took a glance to see what was making her so upset. It was this, a beautifully written article about the last remaining elephants at Toronto’s Zoo. Sorry, it’s not online yet so that link is actually just to the table of contents for that issue, but I guess I’m just trying to say you should definitely pick it up when you see it (or read it at Chapters for free, cus the rest of the issue  is typical pretentious suuuuuck). -jkg
• Thanks goes to Simon for getting me on the Community bandwagon. I’m all sorts of late so excuse me if this is so five weeks ago but I just read and adored cast member Alison Brie’s piece for Nerve about this one time back in college where she tried to turn her gay friend straight by sexing him with her vagina. Extra meta funny points for the fact her character Annie actually references this sad tale in an espisode. -jc
• Oh and shouts to Anupa, currently on vacay, being fabulous. Related: “Why are there suddenly so many Indians on television?” -jc

Liz Hurley knew the ‘rules’ when it came to snagging her Desi Dude

• I haven’t dated an Indian guy in years, and I’m now understanding where I’ve gone wrong after reading these rules to wooing and dating and Indian man written by a white lady who qualifies as an expert because she’s married to one. White people, so smart. Who knew the way to my countrymen’s heart really was All Bollywood Everything, this whole time? And man, even though I cringe at the end of yoga class when all the white people around me breathily voice “namaste,” apparently they’re just practicing in order to ensnare–what the writer refers to as-”the true Chosen People.” But look out white men, not only are your ladies chasing the jaunty, dancing, brown dick–brown men now have grounds to lay Becky, too. FUCK! -am
• For the record, I am totally on board with #donald4spiderman, the Twitter trending push to have Community actor Donald Glover (who is black) play reluctant hero Peter Parker (who is white) in the next Spider-Man film. And here’s a good case for why. Also guys, this! I think she’s joking, but how much awesome would that smell like? -jc
• Me blogging about “branding” is totally against my personal brand, but allow me this one reprieve to point you in the direction of this, if you haven’t already seen it. It’s an on-point and really funny open letter to the media from “Leroy Stick”, the man behind the fake BP public relations Twitter account, @BPGlobalPR. -jc
• Lastly, I dug Reality Bites back in the day but unlike with others from that era or in that vein, I’ve never had the urge to revisit it. What up with that? Now that I think about it, Winona’s entire catalogue is kind of like that for me. Anyway, thanks Jezebel for doing it for me. It’s really weird to remember Ben Stiller pre-Zoolander. -jc

• NY Times journalist Lynn Hirschberg, who over her career has made a name for herself by giving artists who some would say need an ego check, that said ego check (Courtney Love, anyone?). And some would say (myself included) that M.I.A. is also one of those artists. But clearly Maya Arulpragasam disagrees, and didn’t like Hirschberg’s 8,000 word, well constructed, although clearly biased, profile of herself. So she did what all artists do when they’re mad – she took to twitter to vent, even going so far as to post the journalist’s phone number (which has since been deleted). No matter whose side you come down on, the profile is definitely worth the read. JK-G
• For some reason, when people think of Catholic Priests and molestation, it’s always alter boys that we assume are victims of pedophilia. Sadly, this just isn’t the case. Young girls were raped just as often as boys, they suffer the same trauma, yet their stories often attract little of the sensational media attention. The Guardian has a harrowing first person retelling from a female victim of sexual abuse by a Catholic Priest. It’s not what I would call entertaining, but it certainly is enlightening. Not to mention infuriating. SY
• Deadspin is doing this thing called “Dead Wrestler of the Week.” It’s exactly what it sounds like it is, and it’s really very good.  -jc
• Did you know Law and Order is ending? Did you even know it was actually still going and not just airing repeats in syndication? Well, New York magazine (who else) did, and here is a fitting reminisce feting the old girl of network crime dramas. Also, how the hell do you type the show’s distinctive two-toned segue? Dun-Dun? Ka-Chung? Bum-Bum? SY

• This is just a short news story, but Brooks Barnes of the New York Times just wrote a too-true piece about how movie titles are all stupidly long these days. I think most of us would concur with Mr. Barnes. For example, do you know how inefficient it is for me to type a colon when sending a text message? What movie doesn’t have a colon in the title these days? God Hollywood, stop being such a dick. -sy
• Later today I’ll be at Queen’s Park for MMA Day, an event organized for fans, business owners, athletes and sports media people to show their support for the sanctioning of mixed martial arts in Ontario. Whether you’re down or not, for a good read check NOW Magazine’s 2008 piece, “Cage Rage” — a well-researched and probably the best-written account of the province’s tussle with the sport. If that’s not your thing, in other sports news here’s why those new ugly mascots for the 2012 Olympics are actually a good thing. Man. So ugly! -jc
• It’s a confusing and ire-filled time to be a journalist. Aside from the realities of slashed jobs and even-more-slashed pay, there’s the constant debate over the role of bloggers and their backwards-bending usurper potential. I’ve got my own opinions but I’m going to let you read Maureen Tkacik’s Columbia Journalism Review-published opinion instead-not because it’s in the CJR-but because it’s based on something invaluable: experience. -am
• Is Dora the Explorer an illegal immigrant? Sophia Tareen of the AP uses the popular children’s character as a metaphor discussing the ubiquitously controversial topic in the U.S., particularly in light of Arizona’s new controversial bill. Of note, a graphic of a beat-up Dora mugshot style accompanies the piece in the Detroit News. Classy. No mention of Deigo’s dayworker dallyings. -sy