Fuck lists. Everyone makes the same damn list with the same damn songs and movies and predictable-ass people on it. You can read plenty of lists right now, but there is one thing these lists won’t tell you, which is THE DAMN TRUTH. Many music/art/film critics complain of this weird agenda to promote streamlined taste, so that’s why I’ve conceived my own cantankerous, arbitrary-as-fuck list to promote my own agenda! In the vein of Canadian televisions greatest asshole, Ed The Sock, here’s the latest entry on my year-end ticker: The Shit List.

Worst lyric on My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasty

For all the manic raving I’ve done about the new Kanye album, there are some noticeably CRINGE moments on it. Like, yesterday I went crazy on coffee and sent out a ton of hyper-verbose, overly-familiar e-mails to some people and the responses I received clearly indicated the senders could sense it. HELLA embarassing. Do you think Kanye feels like that when he’s just chilling with his record in the Murcielago en route to the corner store to buy some orange juice? “Like, oh shit,” he’s definitely giggle here,”that was corny, damn!” Probably not, you’re right.

That’s why we are here though, to collectively cringe for him. And there was no lyric funnier, more embarrassing than the pseudo-alliterative quip on “Power,” They said I was the abomination of Obama’s nation. Jef got it right when he said that this line sounds like Kanye was on some “OH MAN, I CAN’T BELIEVE NO ONE AIN’T SAY THAT YET” when he though it up. I picture Kanye making little notes in his phone of these things when he comes up with them, just like I do. Agree? Disagree?

Basically a day after (the clean version) leaked, the internet went collectively nuts. At this point, there wasn’t too much coherent discourse (aside from Rolling Stone‘s 5-star review, and who is really checking for RS when it comes to rap anyway?), and really it was way too fresh for that. Noz, an old-guard rap blogger, threw up his cautious take (singular themes, forward-thinking production) via the new analytic blogging: a chat. But the earliest, most telling review was from new New York mag wordsmith Nitsuh Abebe, who compared old day opulence with modern day filth and related MBDTF (you could call it a mix of high-low) to that. Also early, but worth checking, are these track-by-track ultra-referencey/contextual notes from Himanshu Suri of Das Racist who ends up giving the album 9 out of 10 mangoes.

There were other reviews, but the one that got people either heated/smarmy was Pitchfork.com’s rarified 10.0 rating. Ryan Dombal spends the first half of the piece irritatingly on this Michael Jackson/Kanye West tangent instead of talking about why the original indie-cred website deigned to give Yeezy a perfect score (only ever really handed out to reissues), eventually discussing the rapper’s ability to tackle new territory for both rap and himself. By far, Sean Fennessey of the Village Voice, has written some of the most apt, compelling, straight up fucking beautiful stuff with regards to the album. His review, which includes a hilarious but no-for-real Kevin McCallister analogy, talks about Kanye’s grasp on fantasy and self-control.

Surprisingly, the negative opinions were scarce. Sure, a lot of people had previous grievances with Kanye related to his ego/Taylor-gate, but most were willing to concede to the extravagance of this record. The Guardian, which has a surprisingly interesting music blog, addressed this in a piece called “Kanye West’s fantasy has come true — the critics believe the hype.” It’s an interesting read, taking issue with qwerty-happy critics moreso than Kanye himself, but the flaw is in the title: most critics have always believed the hype. Tom Ewing, who also writes for The Guardian and Pitchfork (but didn’t write either piece cited above), posted up his coles notes on Tumblr (the last bastion of honest music chronicling?) coming to an non-definitive conclusion, but making some good points including why, maybe, 808s & Heartbreaks captures vulnerability better and art v. commerce as it relates to Kanye and Lady Gaga. To that last point, Matthew Perpetua, another music critic asked an interesting question: are we giving Kanye, an artist working in relatively resistant genre, too much credit for pushing boundaries when other artists do it all the time?

The Kanye media assault also prompted some great alternative discourses. Our pal Sam Han tackled that other bit of Kanye-controversy, unrelated to the album’s release, on Suri’s blog : George Bush’s hurt feelings. Sam game-changed the popular train of thought with this sentence, “To demand an admission of racism does not do much in the United States today.”  And this morning, in response to a new U.S. state security pat-down policy, Tavia Nyong’o did a side-by-side comparing the “don’t touch my junk!” hysteria surrounding the policy and  rapper.

Surprisingly, the big picture stuff coming out hasn’t been too noteworthy. The exception is Noah Callahan-Bever’s Complex cover story detailing a trip to Hawaii during the album’s recording and featuring the most amazing block quotes from MBDTF contributors (esp. Nicki Minaj, Pusha T and Bon Iver’s Justin Vernon).

Finally: today, Fennessey bested himself with a play-by-play of Yeezy’s inaugural MBDTF concert, which took place last night in NYC, a day after the album came out. Read it, if only for the Diddy anecdote. Then head over to Miss Info, who so-fucking-faithfully transcribed all of Kanye’s concert-closing rant for us, the collectively-going-nuts internet.

Before I finish, a sort-of apology, sort-of defense: yeah, Kanye’s record really excited me, it’s taken a lot out of me, and it’s been really hard for me to say all of the things  I want to say (which involve not just the record, but culture and race and socio-economics, etc). But more than that, I’ve been excited about this album because of all the great writing, thinking and idea-making it’s spawned in people I admire. Okay, so their work lets me cop out of formulating my response but, more importantly it’s inspired me in a way I haven’t felt in a really long time. So, a sorry, a defense, and a thank you.

• Are New York Times book reviewers biased towards white dudes from Brooklyn? When was the last time you read a book by a female author? Do you get the hype around Jonathan Franzen? I’m crazy tired so sorry about the lazy rhetoricals. But yeah, Chris Jackson wrote something about some such and I dug it somewhat. I can’t totally relate (two of the last good books I read were by women), and I get the feeling this debate as it’s played out on the interwebs is a New York conversation, but dude makes a good point about looking at our reading patterns and asking ourselves what we’re missing out on.  -jc
• In 2009 Dave Eggers and co. launched their experimental one time newspaper, the San Francisco Panorama, and the things was massive. So massive in fact that I only got around to reading a long form feature on the annual Mr. Romance contest held each year to determine who will grace the cover of those oh so trashy romance novels yesterday. While the whole article isn’t online, you can get a good taste of it on the author’s blog, here. Then try to track down a Panorama for years of good reading.-jkg
• Not spending the last weekend of the summer outside in the sun? Hungover? Watch this Youtube-housed, totally engrossing BBC documentary about Nigeria, Welcome To Lagos. It’s in a bajillion parts and long as hell, but totally worth it, even if you’re not too sure about the message behind it. And what else are you going to watch? Another Friends marathon? -am
• Taken a gander at @kanyewest yet? The Village Voice thinks West’s continued personal media assault is killing music magazines. #justsayin -am
• It’s officially soon enough to host a 90′s party. Plaid is cool again, 20-somethings are angsty and Soundgarden are back together. Sure, their new single debuts in Guitar Hero 6 and Chris Cornell is on the wrong side of 40, but this Spin profile manages to remind us of one thing: grunge is for young people *and* geezers trying to reclaim their youth. Remind me again how our generation is nothing like the one before us?

First off, sorry for two Kanye posts. We sort of have an unwritten rule about that, but have you seen Kanye’s video for Power yet? With the amount of hype it was getting, it being a “painting” and all, not a video, according to Ye’s twitter account, I have to admit I was definitely curious. After watching it a few times now (one good thing about it being short), I definitely warmed up to it. Excessive? Yes. Egotistical and obnoxious? Absolutely. But that’s what you expect from Kanye anyways, right? The real highlight of this, I think, is the director, who you could say has made a good attempt at elevating the music video towards high art realms.

Apparently Kanye sought out Italian-Canadian Marco Brambilla to do something original, and I can’t blame him after seeing Brambilla’s epic and cool “civilisation” piece commissioned for the Standard Hotel elevators.

The “Power” video uses a similar technique as “Civilisation”, but is not only much more polished looking, it’s also way more Kanye (read: Scantily clad women pouring water over their heads, scantily clad women looking like they are about to make out, scantily clad women crawling on all fours, standing around, dancing, etc, etc. You get the point.) Plus there is some serious bling (see image above), which rumours say is a representation of the Illuminati secret society. Kanye is, of course, the Ceaser figure in a moving neo-classical decoupage, and as the stunning imagery evolves round him, it all of a sudden makes a few quick cuts and ends on a high note: two flying swordsmen coming down on Ye’s head.

Although the video does come a bit late after the release of the single (although Kanye doesn’t seem to care about this sort of thing) that actually makes it better – it’s a video, or an installation art piece, or whatever you want to call it, just for arts’ sake. It could be trying to make a statement about the twisted excess of celebrity, and how he feels everyone is out for his head, but I think it’s better not to think of it too much at all really (sort of like Inception that way), as it pretty much beats into our thick skulls that Kanye is the most egotistical artist out there – but does it ever look nice making that point.

On a side note, I was trying to find any version of this video that I could embed, rather than just link up top, so went on to MTV for the first time in years. No Kanye, but luckily I stumbled across this instead. Mark Wahlberg and Will Ferrell being hilarious on “the Knife Show.”

Amusingly, West has decided to follow one person: Steven Holmes, who according to the Atlantic is a 19 year old random internet stranger from Coventry, England, who has absolutely zero connection with Kanye West.

The reaction on Holmes’ twitter page quickly shoots down any cool factor you might thing this creates — he is clearly not amused by the attention being followed by Kanye West on twitter has foisted upon him.

Which, although superficially will be dismissed as  just another funny, crazy thing insane Kanye West does amongst surely a hundred insane, crazy things he does every day, this one twitter friend is actually rather poignant.

I’m reminded of an interview Dave Chapelle did on Inside the Actors Studio where he rails on the Hollywood machine. He explains calmly that strong, independent, talented and perfectly intelligent individuals are chewed up and spit out by the cultural star makers every day and end up way worse for wear on the other side.

It’s easy for us to see TMZ or Gawker and conclude “what the hell is wrong with ” but Chappelle is as smart as dudes come in showbiz and Hollywood drove his ass to Africa for almost a year. We live in a culture where fame is the most valuable commodity — more than money or talent or brains. Whether fleeting or in the form of persistent notoriety, I’m pretty sure my generation and all below it are the first who prioritize being eventually famous for one reason or another (relatively speaking) as a life goal.

For some, this might even seem like a birth right.

But, as Steven Holmes shows us, even being followed by someone famous on twitter can be unbearably invasive and annoying. So I mean, yea, I still think Kanye West is batshit crazy. But you know — I’m not sure I didn’t make him that way.

He hits notes, too.

Over the weekend Manny Pacuiao defeated Miguel Cotto to capture his seventh world championship in as many weight divisions (which is almost as impressive as the simply AMAZING trailer for his new movie). After a gruelling bout that was just a few minutes shy of going the distance, what did Pacquiao do next? Why he donned a sexy fedora on top of his bandaged head and performed an eight-song set with his band, of course. 

To honour the champ and his musical skillz, let’s take a look at the respective entrance song choices of Pacquiao and Cotto and see who won THE BATTLE OF THE BEATS.

MANNY PACQUIAO

Backstage walk: “Thunderstruck” by AC/DC

This energetic crowd-rouser was a good choice by Pacquiao’s team. Like a lot of fight entrance themes, the magic is in its literalism — Pacman’s hands are lightning fast with thunderous power. To add to its meaning, take into account that guitarist Angus Young built a mythology around how he played the riff, by appearing to do it single-handedly in the “Thunderstruck” music video — in reality, Young played it with both hands. Pacquiao also built a reputation as a one-hand wonder, but later in his career demonstrated that he is indeed a double-handed power puncher, as he would go on to cement in his fight with Cotto.

Official entrance: “Eye of the Tiger” by Survivor

Pacquiao’s people took a risk with this song. Not only is using any theme from a Rocky movie a potentially painfully cheesy choice, it also smacks of ego and gasp maybe even douchebaggery. It tempts relentless clowning if you lose, and many bad punchlines if your face ends up looking like Rocky’s at the end of his first movie. Luckily, Manny came out smiling and waving and sincerity won the day. Like Paqcuiao’s story at this point in his career, Rocky III is about a guy who is on top of the world (Rocky was champion for 10 years at this point in his cinematic saga just as Manny was holding six titles and the honorific “Pound-for-pound” best) but who nonetheless feels like he has a lot to prove. Could Manny hang in there with a fighter who was not only bigger and stronger and maybe just as fast? Well, if he had tiger eyes, sure.

MIGUEL COTTO

Backstage walk: “Stronger” by Kanye West

One could see where Cotto’s people were going with this: Cotto was known to be bigger and stronger than the dimunitive Pacquiao, who had to move up in weight for this bout. His trainers also certainly hoped he was faster and would fight harder as well. But the song was apt for other reasons too, what with Cotto still repairing his spirit and standing after a devastating and controversial defeat at the possibly lead-laden hands of Antonio Margarito and a parting of ways with his uncle/teammate. The video for West’s “Stronger” shows the rapper undergoing surgical repairs and receiving cybernetic upgrades, recalling the car accident that almost ended his life at the outset of his career but instead propelled him into mainstream success via “Through the Wire,” the song he wrote about the life-changing event. What Cotto’s team thought was a playfully boastful song was actually about second chances and hubris — a hubris that hasn’t worked out well for West’s career as of late.

Official entrance: “Todos quieren a Raymond” by Daddy Yankee

Yankee’s reggaeton track sounds sufficiently aggresive and my rough translation of the lyrics gleans some general braggadocio, which certainly set the tone for the kind of fight Cotto wanted to fight. The choice of Puerto Rican artist Yankee and the song’s language is a good nod to the wave of national pride that soaked this fight particularly — notable in a sport already known for its often nationalistic overtones — but you can also add another point because Yankee has said before that boxing is his favourite sport and he has been training for years. Despite these pluses, however, the song made Cotto seem overly serious when contrasted with Pacquiao’s playful, celebratory entrance, and the vibe of the music leaned more towards a feeling of nervousness and trepidation than it did aggression and domination.  

The winner? Same as the fight: Despite Miguel Cotto’s strong efforts, Manny Pacuiao hits on several, surprising levels and comes out on top. But writing about music is like dancing around a ring about architecture, right? So forget all this — take it away, Pacman!

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t186O7GQnNw&hl=en_US&fs=1&]

UPDATE: Fixed the Daddy Yankee link (previously led to incorrect song).

(image via)

A screenshot from West’s new short film, directed by Spike Jonze

Even though I kind of promised Simon that I’d stop posting about Kanye West because his tag in our tag cloud was getting too big (and this isn’t a blog about West), the above question continues to pop up. Plus, he’s the second rapper to come out with a pretentious film within a two week period.

The latest in his series of fucking weird publicity stunts is the short film, We Were Once A Fairytale, that he created with Where the Wild Things Are director Spike Jonze. (Here’s a link that’ll likely get taken down soon so I suggest you invoke the power of Google if it ends up broken). It’s not his first time collaborating with Jones. They worked together on his excellent, critic-dividing video ‘Flashing Lights’ but at least Yeezy’s acting was limited to being stuffed into a car by a batshit half-naked lady.

I think Kanye’s mastered the obvious metaphor and that’s okay—that’s how he does it. However, I’ve got a lingering question about this short—in which he stumbles around a club drunk, harrassing patrons and eventually unearthing a small furry creature from his insides only to watch it to slay itself—and whether it’s meant to be his apology to the public, like so many want it to be.

Is it a weirdly narcissistic way of humbling himself, or just a backward self-assertion of his greatness? It’s obvious that he’s addressing his infamous ego, but he’s done that a million times. I think it’s also obvious, and it pains me to say it, that we’re witnessing (or have witnessed) the making of a cultural icon. Kanye’s history of outbursts kind of speak to a weird inner struggle that must be going on inside him—remember this guy was working at the Gap, churning out beats and fighting to be recognized as a rapper before he did it. He may not be as legendary a lyricist as Jay-Z, Nas, Eminem, et al., but what he’s made an indelible mark on contemporary pop music. I’m channeling Holden Caulfield when I ask if it’s all a calculated facade (the timing of the release might suggest so), or the real self-expression of a tortured genius?

Just like the song, I think Drake kind of got shitted (shat?) on a little. The treatment of Kanye, Wayne and Eminem’s verses works better (individually and together). And I kinda think Drizzy looks like an amateur Oakville rapper with the hood up. If you don’t believe me, watch Eminem rock his hood in the last scene. Fuck that, Eminem kills it, period.

Watch the video after the jump.

Enjoy.

Black Eyed Peas – I Gotta Feeling

Jesse: I gotta feeling that this could be the Pea’s most unoriginal song since Fergie ruined joined the group. And yet somehow it’s incredibly simple lyrics (my favourite verse: “And do it and do it and do it, do it, do it/Let’s do it, let’s do it, let’s do it”) is incredibly sticky. I’ve been to house parties where they have literally played this song six times in the course of one pre-drinking session. So whether I like it or not, that itself is the definition of a summer song.

Anupa: My summer was spent avoiding this song at all costs. I know that makes me sound like a pretentious shit but I’ll fight the charge: yes, I think the Black Eyed Peas are dopey as hell, but I also really respect Will.I.Am as a producer. Still, I refuse to be indoctrinated by the capitalist machine with, and through the construct of, eternal teendom (especially by musicians 20+ years on). This song basically makes me realize how much I’m being played by corporations.

Jef: This would have been a blast during New Year’s 1999, back when I thought any sex was good sex. It only really works in that kind of setting with that much alcohol. It’s done its thang at the bajillion weddings I’ve been to this summer, but it passes by unremarkably and leaves no trace. What’s with the lack of any unique personality Will.I.Am usually adds to these otherwise ear-digging BEP joints?

Simon: I think this song was written to be a ringtone. Has a track ever been so insanely catchy yet so eminently forgettable at the same time? After roughly 11-billion listens I still have no idea how the verses go — but who cares? Here comes the chorus!

Lady Gaga – Pokerface

Jesse: No surprise here. Gaga has proven herself to be the writer of some of the catchiest hooks (and of course, complete songs) that guys don’t want to admit they like since, I don’t know, NKOTB (I was 10 and my sister listened to them. Give me a break). My favourite part of this song though is the covers/samples that it’s already spawned. From the somewhat offensive “Make her say” by Kid Cudi, Kanye and Common, to my favourite, a live cover by Weezer, who took one of last year’s summer songs (Kids, by MGMT) and combined it with Gaga’s powerful hook here.

Anupa: This song was before “Paparazzi” which was when I actually started to dig Lady Gaga. My roommate spent the better part of spring humming the unplugged version of this song. That sample went on to be the hook of Kid Cudi’s mixtape track “Make Her Say” that Jesse mentioned above. I’d say that since it was on not one, but two songs this summer, “Pokerface” could be a strong contender FTW!!!!!

Jef: Gaga’s arty pretensions of being transgressive never quite hit. The way the chorus just forces its way in feels threatening, in a way I don’t think she’s aiming for. I’m with Anupa, “Paparrazi” is more my joint, this just skips along and flexes and stares at me and I’m like “What?” and then it makes some weird face at me. It thinks it did something clever, but no, that’s just the face people make when they fart.

Simon: Gaga once shared that the subtext behind “Pokerface” was she had been dreaming about a woman while in bed with a man. Not your typical pop icon moment. Under the weird, she’s a talented artist whose success is actually derived from musical and marketing talent; why fight it? Wait, did I just read her pokerface? Man, meta.

Kings of Leon – Use Somebody

Jesse: I love Kings of Leon. I saw them a few years ago when they were touring for the album Aha Shake Heartbreak, and I remember this incredibly sweaty dude grabbing on to me when they played “Milk” and yelling: “These guys are fucking awesome. I have two favourite songs, and you know what? This is one of them! Whoooo, arghghghgh, yaaaah!!!!”

That would be me this year, but with this song, and probably less sweat.

Anupa: Three songs in, you’re realizing I’m nitpicky and erratic when it comes to talking about music. I loved Kings of Leon until I found out that they sold out the Air Canada Centre based on “Sex on Fire” which isn’t even close to their greatest song. So I basically ignored Only By The Night until I heard this. That should say a lot. Kings of Leon are really, really excellent. Also, if you didn’t think it could get anymore believable, check out Bat For Lashes’ gorgeous cover.

Jef: I’m out of my element here, but really, isn’t this song going to suck in five years? “Someone like youuu!” is such a cheap catharsis after such a decent build up, and I don’t think the vocals are unique enough to add poetry to it. It’s nice though, don’t get me wrong, the way he drags himself all over the fucking thing.  But god, I hate the faux voice crack of ‘use’ in “You know that I could USE! somebody…”

Simon: Like many music snobs, I was into Kings of Leon before they became unstoppable radio gods. Unlike many angry hipsters though, I’m OK with it. What’s wrong with good shit being popular? You wouldn’t keep the Polio vaccine to yourself just to look cool, right? I hope?

Keri Hilson – Knock You Down

Anupa: I liked Keri Hilson on the hook for 2007′s unofficial summer song “The Way I Are.” Here, we see Keri interacting with Kanye and Ne-Yo on a surprisingly lighty and fluffy breakup track. I don’t really have anything against it, but I don’t find it particularly interesting. It’s definitely the kind of song I would’ve adored in high school, which is probably the demographic this track was made for. Even Kanye’s rap seems kind of elementary.

Jesse: I mean, I guess this song is all about falling in love, which is cool, right? And whenever I fall in love I feel like “I used to be commander in chief of my pimp ship, flying high/’til I met this pretty little missile who shot me out the sky.” I guess it’s just a total fluke that Ne-yo feels the same way. That’s deep.

Jef: You know, it’s not bad, but I can’t separate the song from the video which I must have watched a million times, mouth agape. I like that Kanye is a painter explaining his work (“Uh, it’s Keri, in squares”) to people at a party, and I really, really love that stink-eye staredown he gets into with Ne-yo of all people. They all look pocket-sized for some reason. And I love that Keri’s dancing literalizes every line. Dessert AND disaster, Kanye.

Simon: I like this song, but I’m surprised it’s so upbeat considering how Keri Hilson has to choose between loving Kanye or Ne-Yo. That’s an experience right up there beside “keeping her off the pole” that, had I a baby daughter, I would consider my principal responsibility in life to protect her from.

Wale – Chillin

Anupa: So Gaga was basically everywhere this summer, huh? I like this song. It’s a great sample, and an interesting, well-crafted beat. The sing-song hook works well with Wale’s flow and I like that he tells us, “My name Wale.” You know, just in case. It was also a good breakthrough song for Wale who’s been getting blog buzz for quite a while now. Easily competes in a summer festooned with Drake hype.

Jesse: This is the perfect example, to me, of how great it would be if Lady Gaga just sang hooks for hip hop songs with cool samples.

Jef: I’m still not over the fact that M.I.A. isn’t the hook. Not just the sing-song, but the international claim, and Wale dropping “m.i.a.” in the second verse just begging for wordplay. Did they write for her but not get her?  Wale does his mush-mouth, stream of conscious thing, and it’s charming enough despite coming across half-assed (I think he was aiming for accessible). Fans know he can go harder than this, but that’s cool, he chillin! And his name Wale, apparently.

Simon: I once heard of a girl whose name was spelled La-a. Her teacher pronounced it “La-ah” until one day during a parent teacher meeting, La-a’s mom came in and finally revealed the truth: “Actually, it’s pronounced La-DASH-ah.” True story.

Phoenix – 1901

Anupa: I like Phoenix because they’re French, and because this is a great pop dance-rock hybrid track. It’s nice to see some non-American musicians do well in North America. My roommate who is French just informed me that Thomas Mars, the lead singer, is either dating or married to Sofia Coppola. This brings a whole new aesthetic dimension to their music that I didn’t even think of before…

Jesse: I’m always confused by how European bands can sing with perfect American accents? I mean, I get how they do it, but I always wonder why? Why not fake a British accent? That sounds great in song. Or even better yet, sing with something we don’t hear. I dare these guys to learn a Punjabi accent and sing this song. The song is great as is, but I have a feeling it would be that much better.

Jef: This is beautiful to me. All the parts work seamlessly, the chorus arm-in-arm with the verses, the vocal phrasings and hey-hey-hey chants coming naturally but purposefully at the same time. I love things with structure that also feel improvised and man, this does it, and then it just fucking ends, kisses you then hops out the car. Good job, French people.

Simon: There are few moments that define summer like driving with your sunroof open, windows down, warmth of the rays on your face as wind goes howling by. When I imagine myself in a poignant summer tableau, this is the song I hear.

Pitbull – Calle Ocho

Anupa: Pitbull gets my vote for wicked, just-shut-up-and-dance song of the summer. Just like I liked to hear Wale tell us his name on “Chillin,” I’m digging Pitbull telling me I want him and he wants me. Also, this song reminds me of being in NYC this summer surrounded by the best looking men of my life. I know this is a completely invalid reason for liking a song, but goddammit, summer songs don’t have to mean anything except sex and fun, okay?

Jesse: This song makes me so angry in so many ways. That said, I have caught myself doing the fist pump in the air during the chorus (briefly, and only when in an incredibly drunk and mocking mood). Also, anyone ever catch the RIP Biggie and Pac reference in this? Too funny/wrong.

Jef: I’d punch this song in the fucking face if I could. Then I’d buy it a drink and we’d chill at the bar and every sentence would be “Yeah bro! You GET it!”

Simon: Dance music really kicked us in the balls this summer huh?  Gaga and the Peas were heavily infused with Eurobeats while indie kids went nuts for Passion Pit and Phoenix. Pitbull reps Latin beats here with gyrating salsa mashed with Sesame Street counting lessons. I blame reality television.

Drake – Best I Ever Had

Anupa: Drake caught a lot of flack for this song because of the video, but let’s focus on the track. I’m known as a vehement Drake hater, but I will say I like the breezy vibe that this song has. If you tune out the slightly sexist bent, it’s a smart and well-executed transition track: Drake’s singing is on point and sounds smooth over the R&B production, but he still goes hard on his verses and switches up his flow for the rap stans out there.

Jesse: I’m definitely one of the Drake skeptics, and even though every person that matters is saying he’s the next best thing, without question, I’m still holding out for that CD. As for this song though, it proves he has the singing chops and the cadence to hopefully live up to the hype. Regardless, it’s a good track and the attention it can get the Toronto hip-hop scene is even better.

Jef: It’s hard to hear this one again for the first time, but it was fresh. Drake weaves easily through several hip-hop inflections, from singing to spitting and several in-between, sliding from whispering in your ear to boasting from the back of his throat. He sounds like all of his influences here, but on a song none of them could have made (even though one sorta did). Funny that the best answer to his haters could be the song they hate the most.

Simon: There’s a lot to enjoy about this track. He’s from Toronto and on first listen it was refreshing and even a little subversive. But then again … DRAKE IS THE BESTTT RAPPER EVER TO COME OUT OF TDOTT OF ALL TIME!!!!! OF ALL TIME!!!!! Really makes you pause eh? Nice little song though.

Michael Jackson – Billie Jean

Anupa: Ahh. Like the Beatnuts say, there was “no escapin’ this.” Everyone revealed their inner MJ-fan this summer after his unexpected death. That was a really sad day. We hear about generations prior mourning Elvis and John Lennon but, because of technology, I don’t think more people were impacted by any musician’s death than Michael Jackson’s. MJ was so ill, he outsold new artists this summer! That means he made better music 20 years ago than people do now!

Jesse: The night he died I was at a bar and they were pumping this. I didn’t mind it at all, even if they’re still doing it as we speak. I only wish two more things came out of it: more play for “man in the mirror,” and some commercial success for Rhymefest’s amazing, pre-death MJ dedication mix tape , which I read somewhere he was considering re-releasing

Jef: This is the song that taught me “pop” wasn’t a dirty word. The verses are so quiet and defensive, but then comes that fucking beast of a bridge leading to that chorus I doubt I’ll forget even when my brain turns to swiss cheese. I had to perform this for a drunken game of Cranium recently, and I couldn’t decide which part to hum; which goes to show how much legendary shit you can fit into one song, if you’re a genius.

Simon: Jackson’s passing was such a watershed moment because he embodied that bridge linking pop-culture from every nation like few humans ever did or will. How? With songs like this, featuring the greatest bass line in the history of the entire fucking world. And it’s not even close.

Jay-Z – Run This Town

Anupa: Everyone delivers an expected performance on the first single from Jay-Z’s The Blueprint 3. Rihanna wails the end of the world, Kanye commendably (but predictably) goes extra-hard to show up his “Big Brother,” and Jay-Z sails through smiling blankly and waving to his adoring fans. That’s to say this track is what it is, nothing special, another manufactured hit that lacks its professed rebel spirit.

Jesse: True, it’s expected, but that means a solid first single in my eyes. I’m liking Kanye’s whole “What you think I rap for/to drive a fuckin Rav 4?” verse because I drive what could actually be considered worse than a Rav 4. I also had to wonder though if Beyonce is totally jealous because there is no way this song would have worked with her instead of Rihanna?

Jef: So this is what passes for a Roc posse cut nowadays? As much as this is milquetoast rap, I still kind of like it, and I think I like what everyone else seems to hate: Rihanna’s triumphant barnyard yodel. She bleats like no one else, and she’s the only one awake here. Kanye fucks the shit out of his verse, but still, he sounds rightfully bored with the whole thing. That bee-sting, beasting, Riesling shit is fun, but random as hell.

Simon: Jay-Z may not be as edgy as he used to be, but I guess he really bucked the trend by releasing possibly the worst song on his album as a single. More importantly, is there no escaping Kanye West? He’s like the anti-Polkaroo.

Most appropriate photo I've ever found for a post

What Yeezy did was pretty dumb. But what he said? Let’s be honest — he was dead on.

Have you seen the Taylor Swift video? It’s pretty much every teenage pop video ever made. Nobody will ever talk about it (besides that Kanye West smacked it down). Nobody will remember it. The same could probably be said about the song itself.

Conversely, the Beyonce video exploded into a pop-cultural phenomenon. Spoofed on SNL and across the internet, the video for Single Ladies is actually an impressive piece of art, from direction to lighting, concept to choreography. How many hip-hop videos can get away with “let’s have the artist just sing and dance in an empty room”? Yet this works. It’s captivating. People will remember it for years to come for one reason or another.

As for Kanye…

Yes, he’s one of the most egotistical douche bags on the planet. Yes, the VMA’s are not about art and merit as much as they are a buffet of marketing opportunities for people and products in partnership with Viacom.

But if Kanye’s crime is taking a music video award show too seriously, I cannot hold him in contempt for his actions.

Aren’t music video’s arguably the most ubiquitous and influential medium in our culture; certainly among the youth demographic? Couldn’t it be argued that will-i-am’s “Yes We Can” Obama music video played a more pivotal role in the president’s election than any of his campaign ads? Isn’t the pacing and editorial styling of music videos more evident in today’s movies, advertising and television than ever before? Aren’t music videos… important?

Moreover, if people are going to argue that the MTV Awards don’t really matter, then why was Taylor Swift so elated to win in the first place? Obviously it meant a lot to her. As it should. More than a handful of today’s most popular film makers got their start in music videos. From neophyte Marc Webb to blockbuster badass Michael Bay, all the way down to indie darlings Spike Jonze (who won a retroactive moon man this year, fittingly) and Michel Gondry. The people who actually make music videos take pride in them. Artists who depend on them take them seriously.

In fact, in an interview with Aintitcoolnews.com last year, Gondry shared this enlightening quote:

You know, to tell you the truth, in 2000 they did the “100 Best Videos” on MTV and VH-1 – at the same time. And none of them had one of my videos. None of mine were selected. Maybe it’s a blessing in disguise, in the sense that these videos can be discovered years after. But I got frustrated because I felt I had achieved some sort of success with them. Except at the very beginning of MTV, the videos were regarded as their own entity. They got very quickly mixed up with the song; they would very rarely be about the directing.

I think what Kanye did was crazy, but deep down, even if it wasn’t intentional, the point he ended up making actually resonated a lot with me. Maybe Taylor Swift was getting a pity award because Beyonce won best video. Maybe it was a publicity stunt.

Either way, the end may not justify the means. But as surely we’ve all learned at one time or another in our lives: sometimes, assholes are just right.