*DEAD*

When we started this LOST Interrobang recap series, our central concern about this show we loved was: “can its creators dish out all the needed explanations without resorting to exposition? Can they keep up the mystery without succumbing to just more mindfuckery?”

We agreed that good LOST episodes were a perfect balance of both qualities: ! and ?. Lesser episodes tilted too much in one direction or the other. Maybe because of that central concern over balance, never once did I imagine a series finale that would fail at both. With “The End”, LOST most certainly does end on exposition, and yet also leaves mysteries hanging, and also reveals that its final season was indeed a mindfuck, which would be OK if it were a good one, which it wasn’t. There’s a lot of territory to cover, so we’ve split this Interrobang into two editions. Tune in tomorrow for the continuation.

SPOILERS and spoilsports, after the jump:

Anupa: Oh man.

We have sooooo much to talk about.

Jef: Haha I know.

Just jump in?

Anupa: Should there be some structure to this?

Jef: Naw fuck it.

Anupa: Lol it’s gonna be a clusterfahk.

Jef: Yeah man.

APPROPRIATELY SO

Let me ask first

How much reading/discussing have you done since watching?

What’s the general consensus?

Anupa: Mostly womp womps all around.

Jef: Lol well make that three womps.

My initial reaction was great, now anyone who googles me can read me saying I have faith in the finale and can accurately conclude that I am an idiot.

THANKS DARLTON.

Anupa: Hahahaha… bigger than that…anyone can google us and find we wasted all that time watching/interrobanging this final, WUTLESS season.

Jef: Hahah

My thing is though, there was good stuff, in the season, and even in the finale.

Which makes the copout at the end even more craaaappppy.

Like it really made me feel like shit after.

I’m not sure what to call this new feeling I had.

I’ll call it shit.

Anupa: No, I know.

I had the exact same feeling it’s called LET DOWN.

Jef: At least have the courtesy to just suck all around then.

Anupa: Like, after it happened me and Rehana were like what the fuck and then tried to forget all about it.

Jef: Honestly man I even spent the next day thinking about all the shit I DID like about this episode.

And then came up with some excuses for the writers on some of the shit I didn’t.

And even after all that, the scales STILL tilted toward shitty.

Anupa: I mean, could you basically sum it up as “…oh?”

I dreaded this interrobang to tell the truth.

Jef: I knowwww.

I thought this was going to be this joyous occasion full of remembrance and stuff.

And now it’s a bitch fest.

Anupa: Let’s start with something overarching… looking back, can you conclusively say the season as a whole sucked?

Jef: I thought about it and the island stuff I’m still alright with.

There were burps and mysteries left dangling and useless developments, but overall, I’m still cool with what happened on the island.

And Jack’s eye-close is still a monster of an ending.

But the sideways flash?

My main thing is that I wanted the series to end on CHARACTER.

And I feel like an asshole now because it DID.

But it did it in the laziest fucking way possible.

Anupa: What feels so bad for me, is that I hate that whole last scene… where Jack is in the church talking to his dad then he goes out and everyone is there and la di da. Like, it makes me so mad to think of it: a) because it makes sense when you think about it, but I don’t think it was explained well enough and relied more on audience sentiment as opposed to anything else, and b) because it completely took me off guard… did we not just spend the majority of six seasons dealing with sci-fi stuff? And we’re gonna end with a scene from Touched By An Angel?

Where Della Reese at?

Like, it didn’t do the INTELLIGENCE of the show justice at all.

That’s my position and I’m sticking with it.

It was pretty much heartbreakingly disappointing.

Jef: Yeah I felt like I got BSGed again with another Christian allegory. Thinking about it later I was like, ok EVEN IF they wanted to go out like that, even if I’m NICE and give them that because I knew from jump one of their main touchstones has been a dude named Christian Sheppard, even THEN…..the best they have is an ending where a guy appears out of nowhere and has to EXPLAIN IT to us?

That’s really the best they got?

Anupa: It felt tres lazy.

Jef: Ugh.

Anupa: Did you get it at first though?

Because I feel really dumb… maybe I was just blindsided, but I was like… huh?

Jef: Hahaha

No yeah I got it. And that’s what made me angry. Right when Jack ended up in the multi-faith church I was like FUCK YOOOU.

Anupa: Hahahhaha I know. NON-DENOMINASHUNAL.

Jef: Also: fuck that multi-faith church!!!!

You cannot throw me a shoutout by putting a ying-yang on the stain glass and think that’s not gonna make me realize this ends with SOULS in HEAVEN.

Anupa: Did it feel more like the conclusion of a season than the conclusion of a series?

Jef: I did feel like it ended the series.

I didn’t like the ending, but there was a lot of stuff in it that’s supported by stuff as early as season one. So yeah.

Anupa: I mean, I understand the season one unifier yes… but I feel like the BIG resolution, the BIG ending came with the crossing over shit… and that timeline was only revealed this season.

I mean, I guess they paced it like that, but like you said… sideways reality is angering.

Jef: It’s angering because it’s some magic-show misdirection shit.

There’s SO MUCH in that reality that DOESN’T support it being some sort of stopover city before you fly to heaven.

Anupa: It feels almost like a “gotcha” timeline.

Jef: Yeah, it wasn’t a reveal. It was a copout.

Anupa: Why introduce the son? Why make the mother Juliet?

Why did Faraday have to wear that stupid hat?

He looked like a trenchcoat mafia hipster.

Jef: Exactly. So much of that shit I don’t even wanna get into. Like really, Desmond’s mission was to wake everyone up to being dead? When he first travelled sideways and told Widmore, “I understand,” THAT’s what he understood????

Hahaha

Let’s touch on Faraday a bit later.

Wanna start with the main characters?

Anupa: Sure.

Jef: How’d you feel about the resolution of Jack vs. Smokey? And Jack’s ending in general?

Anupa: Man, that one shot of them coming at each other.

I mean… I don’t know, you know I hated the light and then how the hole had to be physically blocked…

Like, without getting lost in the details that I hated, I can say that keeping with the whole Locke/Jack arc I liked how it ended.

I liked the faceoff between the two. I am glad that Locke died in a very real way. I’m glad Jack went out a hero because we knew he would.

I don’t get why when MIB’s dead body went down into the light he came out smoke, but it didn’t happen to anyone else. And obvi I liked the eye close with Vincent (!)

I mean, yeah, it was in keeping with everything, with some holes, but mostly in keeping.

But I would’ve felt better had that been the ending.

Jef: Haha ending on Vincent would have saved the show.

Anupa: My fav scene was stumbling upon Rose and Bernard in the jungle with Vincent.

I think those three have been my fav characters.

Jef: I think having no one else turn into a smoke monster works for me. I do believe ‘the light’ was crazy corrupted by touching Smokes, which drives home whatever darkness that dude had in his heart. It makes him more special and shit.

Anupa: Did he have darkness in his heart? Tell me, what was bad about Jacob in that origins story we got?

Jef: Yeah that’s the thing, I’m cool with the concept of it. I’m not cool with the execution of it.

And the whole unplugging/plugging-back-in thing was weirdly basic. The writers even basically have Juliette make fun of it by having Sawyer do the same with the vending machine.

But like: I don’t want cutesy meta jokes about how the episode I am CURRENTLY WATCHING is mad basic.

Anupa: I know, we are past meta, we are past Hurley stating the obvious.

Jef: And back to what we were saying, I get that Smokey should be special in the opposite way that Locke and eventually Jack are special.

But ugh, I can’t even talk about that because you’re right. In the end it just didn’t sell.

Here’s the thing: for a show about choices and shades of character grey, in the end the good/evil line fell pretty hard on some people.

MIB = evil

Anupa: ….it deals very much in b&w?

Jef: And there were mad people who didn’t make it to heaven.

Anupa: Why was Aaron a baby?

Jef: Hahahahha for no reason.

GAH.

Ok next character?

Here’s a strange thing:

I kinda liked Kate’s island ending.

Her whole “I saved a bullet” for you thing worked for me, and I liked that she followed Jack YET AGAIN and it paid off. Kate. Following. Guns. Bloaw, she offs the Smokey.

There was this scene waaaay back in season one when they were opening the hatch

And Jack says to Kate, “after we open this hatch, if we survive, we’re gonna have a Locke problem. And I need to know you’re gonna have my back.”

And she’s like, “I got your back homie.”

So that was nice.

It played out.

Anupa: You have a good memory.

Jef: Haha

Anupa: But yes, I was satisfied with Kate as well… her arc played out true to form and she got her closure with Claire.

Jef: I remember because “We’re gonna have a Locke problem” is one of my favourite lines.

Anupa: Tattoo it on your body!

Jef: (And oh they DID have a Locke problem!)

Haha but dude, in sideways purgatory

Her awakening was looking into Claire’s vag???

First off, HILARIOUS.

Anupa: HAHAHAHAHA

Jef: Second, that would be MY awakening.

How’d you feel about her “I love you” with Jack?

Anupa: EWWWW

You’re so gross!

THE FAHK MAN!

Jef: (LOL)

Anupa: UGH!

Jef: But yeah yo, Kate and Jack’s love — did it feel out of the blue for you?

Anupa: Hang on, I need a minute!

Jef: K

Anupa: I know we’re friends, but cahmon!

I’m not your broski.

Jef: LOOOL

Take as long as you need.

There is no “now” here.

Anupa: LOL

Okay, no it didn’t feel out of the blue. They were always meant to hook up…. it just never worked out for them.

On island, Kate was too sketched out and tempted by Sawyer… off island Jack was fucked up.

Jef: Haha true, Jack is so not a catch off island.

I liked it, I felt it sorta, but still, it woulda been nice if Jack and Kate had ANY meaningful scenes sometime during this season.

If they did, I can’t remember any. The wound stitching I guesssss.

You know?

And also, Kate couldn’t fully wake him up in sideways mindfuck land.

Psh, some soulmate. I’m just saying.

Anupa: Haha but dude, it was all about what gave them purpose and what really fucked with them.

For Kate it was Aaron being born.

For Jack it was knowing what happened to his father.

Jef: Haha no yeah you’re right.

It’s just funny to watch all these star-crossed lovers getting their reunion flashback moments

And then Kate comes up to Jack and all she gets is nothing.

That could hurt someone’s self esteem you know!

Anupa: How’d you feel about Shannon and Boone?

Also, I kinda refuse to believe that Shannon was it for Sayid… like he was willing to fuck over so many people to get to Nadia/get revenge for Nadia.

Jef: That’s true!

And also, sucks for Boone that he gets no awakening scene. Because really, what was the Big Moment for him?

Going to work for Locke?

Anupa: I know… hahahah plot device.

Jef: LOL his time on the island sucked pretty much.

His sister wouldn’t kiss him and then he died.

Anupa: EW

What about Sawyer?

How do you feel about that?

I will say I CRIED when him and Juliet reunited.

That was my shit.

Jef: YES. That was the only awakening where I got emo.

Juliet sold the shiiiit out of that.

Anupa: Okay wait hang on hang on:

Basically when we saw Juliet die… that was the same moment… she was flickering between “crossing over” and being in reality?

Jef: You talking about the white flash?

Anupa: No, when she said to Sawyer “we’ll go dutch” the first time we saw it.

Jef: Oh no yeah that was bullshit.

That was such a red herring.

But yeah, I guess she caught a glimpse of the future in which they would all die, I dunno.

When she said “It worked,” like what? What worked?

I guess she THOUGHT the purgatory she was seeing was actually a second reality? Just like we did?

Anupa: HUH?

THE VENDING MACHINE WORKED

OHHHH

Jef: Hahaha you think?

Anupa: I think.

I think she was having her re-awakening moment then.

Jef: Hahahah you are right. Oh man, her dying words are about a candy machine.

Anupa: I mean, the sideways timeline maybe happens within the blink of an eye.

Fuck this is stupid.

Jef: Well yeah, there’s no time there.

Anupa: I hate that I’m talking about this.

Jef: Hahahahha ok yeah let’s not give them the satisfaction of trying to figure that out.

Because likely they don’t even know themselves.

You mentioned Sawyer –

My thing with how Sawyer’s story ended is this larger problem I had with the finale in general.

He didn’t do anything!

I expected the final mission of killing the Smoke Monster and saving the island to be this big team ordeal tying together everyone’s skills and core characteristics and shit.

So yeah, Kate’s part was good, as was Jack’s.

But I wanted Sawyer to pull a con on Smokes.

I wanted them to need Miles to talk to the dead.

Lapidus flew the plane, okay, but what about everyone else with cool skills you know?

Anupa: Richard’s skills failed (not-aging skills).

Even Hurley’s eating and/or humor skills could’ve been put to use.

Instead he cried like five million times, WHICH BROKE MY HEART EVERY SINGLE TIME.

Jef: Haha yeah he’s a sad puppy.

Okay yeah: Hurley as the island guardian!

That was a curveball. It was almost too much of a curveball. I liked it. But the writers didn’t really earn that I don’t think.

Anupa: It was too much of a curveball.

Why Hurley? Like I don’t get it.

Is it because the bird yelled his name?

Jef: That bird knew everything!

I mean, I feel it on a certain level.

Hurley’s cool, he’s nice, it’s a good way to break the pattern.

He’s Mexican and bashful, which breaks the white-saviour complex cycle.

But like yeah the overall feeling is still HUUUH?

Anupa: Yeah, that’s how I feel.

Like, oh, nice.

But, to quote Scooby Doo, “Arrooo?”

And his patna was Ben… who confuses me so much, was he bad or good? He baited out Widmore and co. so that Smokey wouldn’t kill him but then he switched allegiances, yet again.

Jef: Yeah I still feel it’s messed that a mass murderer like Ben gets a chance to go into the light (even though he doesn’t take it), whereas someone like Michael is damned for eternity.

At least Mike was driven by his love for his son. Ben was mostly driven by ambition and just straight up neediness.

Anupa: But he was a nice guy during his sideways timeline.

Jef: Well shit, like I’m sure Michael would be a nice guy too in fantasy no-issues land, if his soul wasn’t stuck on the island.

I think I’m just salty I didn’t get my Waaaalt moment lol.

Anupa: My head hurts.

To be continued…

"But it turned out that the call was coming from INSIDE THE HOUSE!"

Knowing that the ingredients for a good LOST episode is a healthy mix of “!!” and “??” Jef and Anupa will be interrobanging the show’s final season every week. As LOST winds down to its conclusion, can its creators dish out all the needed explanations without resorting to exposition? Can they keep up the mystery without succumbing to just more mindfuckery?

This was it. “What They Died For” was the last “set up episode” of Lost we’ll ever sit through, and it set some shit up! Last week we got the back story, this week those ideas were applied to actions and during the finale this Sunday, we’ll see how it all plays out. We’re down to the Oceanic Four: Kate, Jack, Sawyer and Hurley, finally powwow-ing with Jacob, being given the tools to fight off Smocke. And on the other side of the island, Ben and Smocke are traipsing through the jungle, on the search for Desmond—the fail-safe. Off-island, all signs point to most of our pals converging at a museum benefit concert. What does the finale promise? Two full-cast showdowns happening in two different realities. This is gonna be redonk, guys. In the meantime, tally ho! (Do I really need to warn for spoilers?) SIGH. SPOILERSSZ.

Jef: I’m actually kind of sad

This is our PENULTIMATE interrobang

Everyone kept saying penultimate all week.

Anupa: yeah, OMG, I can make plans next Tuesday night! But we won’t have our weekly chats, where we catch up on each other’s lives and generally enjoy each other’s company online.

Can I advocate a theory?

Jef: Go

Anupa: I actually think this is hole-proof: so in the first episode we saw the island underwater and now we know Smokey can’t get off or things will be fucked so they gotta kill him.

So what if they sink the island…TO PUT OUT THE SMOKE?

Jef: I feel you!

In this episode when Ben asked Smoke why he walks, he answered because he likes the feel of grass between his toes or something

(Good moment!)

But I was like: BUT WHY DO YOU LIKE ROWING BOATS, SMOKE?

WHY DO YOU LIKE ROWING BOATS?

Anupa: EXACTLY.

Jef: So yeah maybe you’re right.

Water.

Haha that would be mad Shyamalan Signs

Anupa: It would be so perfectly logical.

HAHAHAHAH IT WOULD BE

That movie was really shit.

Jef: It really was!

Anupa: Okay well now that I feel we solved it, I have nothing more to discuss.

Jef: K thanks bye guys.

Ok let’s start back at jump: we start with Jack looking at his neck hole

It’s funny that we’ve come to the point that this show is already mirroring what happened just 15 episodes ago or whatever.

If it went to season 7 each episode would just mirror the last, until the scenes are just exactly the same.

Anupa: LOL

Jef: I still don’t get the wound though!

Anupa: Me neither. I feel like these things are details that will hopefully get explained away.

Jef: Oh yeah, I’m sure it’s tied to whatever happens to Jack in the finale.

Which maybe means VAMPIRES.

Aha imagine?

Anupa: Robert Pattinson cameo!

*swoon*

Jef: Stop swooning for him! It devalues your other swoons.

Anupa: Speaking of swoons, and people who have worked with Robert Pattinson, last week’s episode threw me off and I was confused when Claire walked into Jack’s dining room. The flow was really disrupted with that mythology episode last week eh?

Jef: Oh word, yes. Yeah I had a hard time placing where everyone was.

Anupa: (Also roomie remarked that Claire was cute as a button in this scene).

Jef: Like…what happened to crazy island Claire? Not that she had to be in this episode, but her absence was jarring.

Roomie gets a hi-five

Anupa: She is with Locke, on the docke

Jef: Oh and speaking of the randoms

I cannot fucking believe Miles made it to the finale! That is so awesome.

Anupa: HAHHAHA and he’s still shifty and awesome

He’s gotten by on oneliners

Jef: Haha yeah one-liners and generall ducking.

He’s always “Wha? Peace I’m out.”

Anupa: The comment he made about living on the island before Ben (“yeah, like last week”) was both funny and interesting

Jef: Yeah guy, it’s been one week?

Anupa: What’s the timeline been? It hasn’t literally been a week right?

Jef: That’s crazy.

It could be though, yeah! They haven’t really done much when you think about it. Just escaped from a temple and saw a lighthouse and shit.

(And died.)

Anupa: This show really needs to be watched nonstop, as you subsist on Cheetos and Coke and stay up super late and wake up super early anyway to keep watching.

Jef: I’m saying

I still can’t believe how y’all watched this one ep a week for six years. (For those who don’t know, I marathoned through seasons 1-5 on DVD right before this season’s premiere).

Anupa: So Miles took off, Richard wanted to be diplomatic and got shoved, and Ben baited out Widdy and Liz Lemon

Jef: Haha man that Richard-shove was so embarassing. Like, we’ve all seen that happen or been that dude.

Anupa: What do you think Ben’s deal is?

Jef: Ben is back to being BEN, which I love

He’s got something up his sleeve for sure.

And I loved loved loved the way he murked Widmore.

Anupa: YEAH

I’d venture to say that shit was gully.

Jef: It’s true. Gully is back, and it’s Ben Linus

Anupa: You know what’s even more amazing?

That Ben shot a person, but was also so honourable in this episode

God, if there’s any reason to advocate for the sideways timeline being the “better” version of their lives, Ben is the prime example

He’s so different

Jef: Yeah, he was both. It’s been a great journey with dude; remember when he was just this big mystery? This ep was good for just showing Ben at 100 per cent, a cold-ass murderer but also a big teddy bear.

Dude, what happened to Miles?

Wasn’t he is the secret room with Widdy and Mz. Lemon?

Anupa: No he ran off remember?

Ben gave him the walkie talkie

Jef: Ahh word

Shit, he’s all alone.

Haha he’s gonna die, isn’t he?

Anupa: Dude, he’ll prob just grab the outrigger and bail.

Jef: Prob after pulling a ghost-whisperer last act save or something, but yeah right?

Haha that would be awesome.

Anupa: You’re projecting your Asian hopes and dreams onto Miles

Jef: Shit, can’t a dude just like Miles because he’s awesome?

*gets uppity*

Anupa: He’s awesome because he’d so bail

LOL NOOO you said UPPITY!!

Jef: Wanna jump to LA for a bit?

You got your wish. You saw Rousseau all fresh and clean.

Anupa: That made me happy

I love me some Rousseau.

Jef: “Even if we have to kidnap you”

womp womp

Anupa: Haha i know right.

Do you think her and Ben will hook up?

Jef: Yes! I wanted them to do that white middle-aged kitchen kiss that happens in every movie.

I felt the chem!

Anupa: LOL I can’t visualize what you’re talking about BUT I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.

Jef: Yeah don’t ask me for an example. But it happens!

Anupa: Jesus this episode was piecey as hell eh?

Dez wanted to help Locke “let go” and in the process forced Ben to have visions of the timeline-as-we-know-it. He then went and turned himself into the police for running over Locke and beating up Ben and ended up in the same holding cell as Sayid and Kate at the same prison as Sawyer and Miles, who are later going to a concert at Miles’ dad’s museum.

On their way to county, Dez breaks Kate and Sayid out with the help of Hurley (and Ana Lucia). Those four are also headed to the concert. The concert is also where Jack is supposed to be heading, after he meets with Locke who is now convinced he needs to “let go.” Jack is going there because his son is playing piano. His babymoms will also be there (I’m thinking Juliet).

Jef: Sidenote: Dez has been walking around match-making and hitting people with cars. It’s funny that this whole time he really could have just been punching people in the face.

Anupa: I know right? Talk about unnecessary force.

What do you think is going to happen? And what role does Dez play in all of this?

Jef: Shit, all that and I have no answer for you.

Which I LOVE.

I have no idea what’s going on.

Anupa: It’s played out quite beautifully

Jef: It has, definitely. And it feels good, I’ve been riding for them but also nervous that they’ll drop the ball regardless.

But I am so ready for the finale.

Anupa: LOL it feels like the ending of White Teeth!! Hopefully something stupid with a mouse doesn’t happen to fuck it all up!

Jef: HAHAHAHAHA

Anupa: Where the Chalfens at?

Jef: The end.

I just want to throw in there that I don’t care what anyone says, Michelle Rodriguez is my girrrrl

Anupa: Yo, she’s fine as hell. And crazy. I love that. If I were a lesbian, I’d pursue her.

Jef: Those multi-r’s look mad stupid but I’m sticking to them—all of them

YES THANK YOU.

And I do not care one bit that she always plays the same role.

It’s a fucking fantastic role, and more people should use it!

Anupa: She is the consummate tough Latina chick, the hardened little sister of three cholos. Who plays on the side of the good guys, but turns an eye to her sibling’s

trangressions because it’s family first.

Jef: LOL. Yeah whatever she is, I’d like a piece of it.

Anupa: Okay, I have a question: Jacob needs to find a replacement because Smokey’s figured out a way to kill him and therefore get off the island, but….Jacob’s been dead for like, a while now

Jef: A week!

Anupa: Okay, so what? Magic applies only some of the time? Like, if the guy is dead can’t he leave?

What I’m trying to say is this: Jacob’s had like millions of years or whatever it is to find a replacement, but he slacked and got himself killed

Jef: Ahahhahah

Anupa: He shouldn’t get an extension on finding a replacement! It’s too late! HE DEAD.

Jef: I don’t think he slacked though (though judging by his eyebags, yes. He did.)

I kinda just thought he’s been bringing people there for years and they’ve all been shitheads

Anupa: Yeah I get that. But now he’s dead, so doesn’t that mean Smoke wins?

Like I don’t get the lag time.

Jef: I don’t think Smokes can leave until all the candidates are dead.

You know?

Anupa: OH

[Note: later on, we came to the extremely late realization that Jacob fully dies once his ashes are burned. Hence, Smocke kicking his body into the fire after Ben did the deed, Ilana gathering up the ashes (and there's the reason she exists in the first place!) and Hurley taking the ashes from dead-Ilana's tent. It's a stupid-ass loophole but whatever.]

Jef: No but hold up, here was my other thing:

Because I thought the cave scrawls were magical—if Jacob scratches you off, you didn’t count anymore, so the ones left were the ones Smokes had to murder.

BUT he told Kate it “was just a line of chalk in a cave.”

So I dunno how the candidates are magical at all, at least until they drink the moonshine.

But yeah, regardless. I’m sure the game is Smokes can’t leave until they’re dead.

Anupa: The look on Jack’s face when he drank the river water was super hilar

Jef: LOL yeah he gave Jacob the gas face after

Anupa: !!! I love the gas face

Jef: “You’re like me now.” Which I assume means high as hell.

Anupa: Watch, next week Jack’s gonna be all heavy-lidded too

Jef: Dude I will die.

Anupa: And that’s why Dharma keeps getting food drops!

Jef: LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL

Anupa: To sustain Jacob’s munchies

Jef: STOPPP

HAHAHAHAHAH

Anupa: Sorry ahahahhahahahhaha

Jef: *five minute break for laughter*

All Smokey wants is to get away from centuries of stoner talk

Jef: Did you see that photoshop job of Smokey and Jacob where it says “Fucking magnets? How do they work?”

And it’s the dagger stuck to the well?

Anupa: Hahah no! I wish I did though!

Jef: That’s the whole show, right there.

Anupa: Again, the end.

Jef: Ok but yo:

I was thrown for a loop this episode

I was really sure that Jack would end up not taking the job!

He’s the island guardian! This is big! It’s been building to that for 6 years, but still. BIG.

Anupa: Okay, BUT did you really think any of the others wanted it?

Jack was the only logical choice for the job and he knew it. You could tell by the look’s on the other’s faces:

Sawyer? PSH. Kate? Nope. Hurley? No way dude.

And we knew it had to be a Jack v Locke showdown

Jef: Imagine someone else put their hand up? Jacob would be like “ehhhhhhh really?”

“I dunno Kate, it’s a lot of hours, and it’s hard work…”

Anupa: Hahah word. So Locke has to kill all of them…. he’s looking for Dez who is now apparently the key to everything

And magical Jack et al are setting up to kill Locke

Jef: Yup, and sideways Jack and Locke have just cemented their bromance.

Anupa: So what’s gonna happen?

Your thoughts?

Jef: They’re both “letting go”

Anupa: OOH

Jack letting go in our timeline, Locke letting go in the other one?

Jef: Both!

They’ve met in the middle sorta

Anupa: Do you think that perhaps this process of letting go might permeate through to Locke’s now reanimated body?

And affect something to do with Smokey?

Jef: Honestly, I’m not sure what to expect.

But I expect big things from Jack, Jack 2.0, Locke, Dez, and an assist from Miles

That’s my play.

Oh and waaaaaalt?

Lowercase w because I am not so sure.

Anupa: JESUS, YES. PLEASE LET WALT SHOW.

OMG, WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What was Michael? An artist right? Think he’ll show up at the museum?

AVEC WALT?

Jef: Was he?

If so, DOPE.

Anupa: Yeah dude, remember? But he had to work construction because life is rough for an artist with a kid.

Jef: True! And speaking of the museum, I’m also looking to Farraday to play a part as well.

Shit, I’m hyped.

Anupa: TRUE SAY.

Jef: Aside from Walt, is there any other return you want to happen?

Def Juliet with the going-dutch coffee.

Anupa: Penny.

Jef: Word.

Shannon?

Anupa: Meh

Jef: lol

Anupa: FUCKING VINCENT!

Jef: chomp chomp

Anupa: They just wrote him off the show

Jef: He might be dead. They’re gonna need facsimiles Lassie-style

Anupa: To be honest, when Ben, Richard and Miles were in Ben’s closet and then they heard a noise and came out… I was hoping it was Vincent snuffling around in that cupboard. You can ask my roomie; I yelled VINCENT!

Jef: I’m sure he’ll get a cameo

If there’s one thing Lost loves, it’s referencing itself. I expect it to go nuts for 2 and a half.

Ok, any final words?

Anupa: I’m rooting for the alternate timeline, because Alex needs a dad

Jef: “He doesn’t get to save his daughter.” BLAOW.

I’m not fully sure anymore, but I still think a blend is coming.

But after this week, I’m totally not surprised if they go somewhere else.

Anupa: They’ve rendered us basically useless in terms of guessing where this is gonna go

Jef: They have!

Anupa: Which is the best set-up for a finale in all reality.

We are literally expectation-free.

Jef: We are.

We’ve let go, Anupa.

Anupa: OG

*OMG

AYO JIN!

Knowing that the ingredients for a good LOST episode is a healthy mix of “!!” and “??” Jef and Anupa will be interrobanging the show’s final season every week. As LOST winds down to its conclusion, can its creators dish out all the needed explanations without resorting to exposition? Can they keep up the mystery without succumbing to just more mindfuckery?

This week with “The Last Recruit”, the show goes about moving everybody into their places for the big finale. On the island, some players switch teams and one jumps off a boat, while over in Sideways City a familiar flirtation happens, someone gets tripped by a wire (zoinks!) and mad people have to see a doctor. Most amazing though is that Kate doesn’t stupidly chase after anyone! She does, however, find something new to be stupid about. Stupid Kate. Watch out for SPOILERS, you bastards:

Anupa: SO

What is it? Like four episodes left?

Jef: Yesss

Final is two hours, but yes.

How are you holding up?

Last week you were wary.

Anupa: There is mad build up happening, guy.

They must be planning on giving a lot of information at once.

Or none at all…

Jef: Aha imagine?

I am feeling the buildup. Honestly, I think the finale is going to be structured movie style — all the main conflicts and themes are gonna be wrapped up all at once there.

Anupa: Well, yeah, that is what I’m thinking.

Jef: I’m actually surprised we got the Korean-reuinion today.

Anupa: To me that says that something else is going to happen…

Jef: Yes, something BIGGER is planned for those two.

Which is awesome.

Anupa: We should start some kind of pool…get some BETTING ACTION on the happs, brah.

Jef: Lol we can call it “Everyone Loses!”

Place your bets folks.

Anupa: I will secretly embezzle all of the funds generated.

It’s interesting…you know how they’ve set this show up with our original characters positioned as pawns

At the rate this is going/the way it’s all playing out, we are TOTALLY pawns.

I mean, I know this is obvious, but it’s so fantastic how with this final season we still don’t know so much.

We still have NO idea whether or not to trust Smocke.

Jef: Which is perfect though right, because neither do the characters.

Even Claire it turns out was never 100 per cent loyal. Or maybe she will turncoat later, who knows.

But yeah, not knowing where Smokes and Jacob stand and where the characters stand with them is perfect because it’s the same stuff we started with — we never knew if Jack or Locke were the more correct leaders.

Anupa: What are your thoughts on Jack literally jumping ship?

I mean, I just don’t get why he’d get on in the first place.

Jef: He’s, y’know, stewing over his options. Can’t decide whether to fall back, because all of his leadership decisions have been so fail, or to follow his gut because he caught the faith bug.

I like that he jumped, and it recalled when Sawyer also once jumped to stay on the island.

Anupa: Right, they’ve both made that journey.

It’s interesting though that you bring up those series of episodes involving the freighter.

Remember how Christian appeared on the freighter with Michael?

Since we now (apparently) know that Smocke once took Christian-form, how did he travel over water?

I.E. couldn’t Smocke just fucking show up wherever he wants to?

Like on their boat now

Or on the other Island?

Jef: Lol yeah. Well we know that Smokes really needs everyone to leave together. So he needs a boat to ferry everyone else regardless — turning to smoke to transport himself would be pointless and probably just freak the shit out of everyone.

Then again, the Smoke monster can grab people. So he could carry em.

My head hurts.

Anupa: Yeah! Why doesn’t he just carry them to where he wants them to go? LOL

Jef: Lol damn him. What did you think about the opening convo with Jack and Smoke?

When they talked about Locke?

Anupa: Smocke almost sounded bitter…

I don’t know if that’s reading too much into it

And me trying to link him to my “he’s just Locke pretending” theory.

Jef: “He was a sucker” was so harsh. Awesome harsh.

And you’re right, there was a hint of self-loathing in there.

Anupa: Yeah dude, they spent so many seasons buttering Locke up as this Man O’ Faith.

But both sides suit Locke really well in a way.

I mean, remember in S1 how they were almost playing into this “is Locke evil?” thing?

He’s really been split this whole time.

Jef: Yeah Lost plays faith in an interesting way. They make faith look crazy at points but also often also as correct.

And yeah to extend what you’re saying about the character being split — on the island Locke’s faith is what made him seem strong. Made him walk. But also made him die. In sideways world his weakness saved his life. The wheelchair took the brunt of Desmond’s car.

Anupa: It’s interesting, last week we had these theories about if Dez was trying to kill Locke in Sideways Land because of the whole well thing.

Although it did seem fairly obvious that they wanted him and Jack to cross paths.

…but there was room for speculation

How do you feel about that now? Do you still think he was trying to kill him?

Jef: I still think there’s still room for speculation, but yeah I won’t be surprised if that line of thought is never picked up on again.

But yo, the reason we were saying that is because Smokes threw Dez down this long-ass pit — was it me or was it like WTF that well is SO SHALLOW this week.

Anupa: Dude, I definitely would’ve died if I fell down that well.

I’m not good at landing.

Jef: LOL

You land, then trip and die.

Dude he was just chilling there, not even a twisted up ankle or anything. “Hey Sayid. What’s up. Just chillin.”

Anupa: Brotha

Do you think Sayid did it?

Dead or no?

Jef: No, I don’t think Sayid did it. The past few episodes have all been on some power ballad-level Power of Love type shit, and I think what they gave us here was hope that love could also save Sayid and Claire in the end.

Sayid said before he doesn’t FEEL anything. But apparently he still feels enough to love Nadia.

And Kate turned Claire around by playing the Aaron card.

Maybe I’m just being hopeful?

Anupa: In the end, it would be a shitty way for Dez to go.

Although he is turning into General Pervert off island… is it just me or he’s creepy and gross?

Jef: Yeah and if Sayid did it, I think they would have preferred to show it to us. They like showing people get shot.

Anupa: It’s funny you mention Nadia…cus they didn’t actually say Nadia… and why would they purposefully avoid her name?

Methinks we’ll be seeing Shannon soon.

Jef: OH SNAP

Good one.

Anupa: Semantics.

It also makes me wonder about that Tina Fey/Smocke showdown.

First of all, he didn’t decimate her.

Second of all, they kept referring to the “thing” that was taken.

Why do they make these conscious efforts to avoid names?

Jef: “The Package”

Anupa: Like if it were me I’d be like “Yo, guy! Where Dez at?!”

Jef: Lol if I was on team Widmore I’d just be calling him “that dude passed out in the sub. Go get him.”

Anupa: “my repugnant son in law”

Jef: Okay yeah so while we’re talking about Dez being creepy and giving everyone sex eyes –

Reality two just got bumped up a couple of notches, yeah?

I was just as involved this week with what was happening there as I was with the island story.

Anupa: Right, because now it’s not just one boring storyline.

LAWL

How great/heartbreaking/amazing was that scene with Ben and Locke in the ambulance?

The best actors/characters playing these completely different roles…

UGH

SO GOOD.

Jef: Haha I thought it was kind of funny.

Anupa: You would.

*EYE ROLLLLLS *

Jef: “My name is John.”

That scene was so bromantic.

I was AMAZED by how many characters had dope scenes in one episode, both on and off the island.

Anupa: You were a fan of the Kate/Sawyer police station flirty flirty?

Jef: Hell yeah loved it.

And yeah last week I was griping that the female characters weren’t doing shit, so it was good to see some Kate and Claire scenes.

I HATE Kate’s stupid ballcap though.

Take that shit off Kate!

Anupa: Yeah, it reminds me of girls who wear full makeup in the gym and workout with their long-ass hair down.

These are girl things that bother other girls

FYI

Jef: Haha what?

Anupa: See

Jef: *Goes off to guy talk with Sawyer and Jack*

Anupa: LOL

Good vun!

How about that cool scene with both Sun and Locke being carted into the hospital?

“It’s him, it’s him!” … that was her tapping into her Island memory right?

Jef: YES

Yeah like, physical injuries seem to jar people into realizing the other universe exists, and I guess it goes both ways.

I think Sun hitting her head and forgetting English was just the otherverse bleeding through.

So shit, Jack’s maybe also been enlightened? With the bomb at the end?

Anupa: That’s fucking banane

OMG

CORRECT

Jef: And that’s why the POV shot that mirrors the first episode?

Anupa: Right

Jef: He’s just as confused for a second. Like, where am I?

Shiiiit.

Anupa: We’re also setting up for a major Jack/Locke showdown.

Jef: Yo, speaking of final showdowns: almost everyone is in the hospital now right?

Anupa: Not Kate, not Sawyer, Sayid or Miles…

Or Claire… although I’m betting she’ll go into labour or some shit.

Also, Hurley.

Jef: Yeah for sure she’ll be having the baby there

Oh fuck yeah Hurley!

Anupa: We didn’t see Hurley IRL this episode!

Jef: He’s off sexing Libby

So glad they didn’t show it.

And Miles:

Where is he on the island? And why doesn’t Sawyer want to save him?

What an ass!

Anupa: He’s with Guyliner!!

He didn’t come with them to camp Smokey.

Jef: I have a bad feeling about Richard’s team.

I think they all die…

Maybe in a self-sacrificy kind of way.

They’re all kind of insignificant in the off-island world, right?

nupa: Don’t say that! I’m semi-crushing on Miles right now.

He’s my LOST CRUSH OF THE WEEK.

Jef: Aha mine is…get ready…Claire.

Anupa: My name is Claiihre, I’m having a bahhhby, we have the same fahhhter.

Jef: LOL

My thing for Claire has been refined:

I now specifically dig on her when she’s jungle Claire, and when she’s giving her stank face.

Anupa: Complex needs to make a Claire soundboard.

Jef: No I would waste so much time there!

Anupa: I don’t even want to think about what you would do there.

Jef: And I waste enough time on Complex already. Gotdamn click-throughs.

Anupa: EW

HAHAH I HATE THEIR CLICK THRUS.

But yo, the best Claire face was when they ran off without her and she felt all left out and shit.

She was the definition of GLOWERING.

Jef: YES. Awesome Claire face.

She was like “Oh hellllll no.”

Anupa: Whatever, Jack knew she would follow.

He was there when she followed him and Smocke in the beginning.

Jef: LOL did he though? I was laughing because Sawyer was like “you figure it out!” to Jack about coming up with a Locke-ditching plan. But then…Jack had no plan at all!

Anupa: LOL

Jef: He was just like, “Oh hey Locke’s gone! Sweet let’s go guys.”

Anupa: This episode was stupid for that.

The dude is made of face-eating smoke…and a) he doesn’t know what they’re up to and/or b) their plan is just to…run?

FAIL

Jef: Thank GOD Kate didn’t run after him.

This episode was awesome just for not doing that.

Anupa: LOLOLOL

Imagine she jumped out the boat?

Jef: Yeah I’d scream at her.

At my TV.

I would.

Anupa: I wouldn’t blame Sawyer for shooting her dead in the water right there.

Jef: LOOOL

Anupa: JUST END THE CYCLE

PLEASE

Jef: That would be awesome.

And then cut to Claire, as she laughs.

Yeah, I hate Kate, but that scene she had with Claire was aight. I bought it. Even though Kate like NEVER MENTIONS AARON and I forgot she ever raised him. I think she sold that scene.

Anupa: Dude, why can’t she just be all like: “HEY CLAIRE! You were gone and someone needed to take care of the kid? Would you rather I gave him up for adoption? INGRATE!”

It really isn’t that complicated.

Jef: Haha yeah just stop acting like you stole the kid.

Anupa: TRUST ME

Jef: Be like I SAVED that blonde bastard.

YOU OWE ME.

Anupa: Claire’s so high school.

Jef: I think Claire really is like fresh from high school though lol.

Anupa: 16 and pregnant.

Jef: She’s one of those girls, you know.

So for sure yeah she ends up in the hospital birthing Aaron, right?

And Sun is there already with her baby saved.

Do you think it’s important that Jack’s son is wandering around there as well?

You think this kid is a factor?

Anupa: Why would Jack bring him to the hospital if not?

They made a point of his mom calling and the kid wanting to spend more time with his dad, and then him coming to the hospital instead of that time together being cut short.

If he doesn’t have a role to play I’m gonna call it and say the writers are spending their time crafting nonsense instead of the shit THE RATINGS PAY THEM TO DO.

I’m writing too much in caps this interrobang.

Diary of an angry brown woman.

Jef: No yeah I think he’s important too.

I mean, IMPORTANT TOO.

Anupa: Sorry, Angry Asian Man is taken already.

Jef: And he’s wandering free right now, with almost everyone there.

Anupa: But yeah, so the spoiler I read for today’s episode was that WALT shows up.

But he didn’t.

BUT

…what if he does now?

That would make all the kids.

Jef: He HAS to.

I will forgive the writers a lot of shit, but not Walt.

Anupa: We can send them cards that when you open them up they go WALLLLT like those birthday cards that play happy birthday.

Jef: Haha yeah if they don’t follow through I will forever send them WALT letters.

Anupa: LOL

Jef: They will just say WAAAALT.

Or maybe “He’s my son! WAAAALT!”

Anupa: But seriously, why spend that time setting that whole thing up about him being speshal?

Jef: He’ll be there.

I’m saying finale.

Two hour movie style.

Anupa: Hopefully not Bruckheimer style.

Jef: You know they gotta save the most amazing cameos for last.

He’ll maybe be the cliffhanger for the second-last or something.

(Watch him show up next week now for no reason.)

Hm what else?

Wanna touch on Jin and Sun real quick?

Anupa: Yeah

I cried

I’ll admit it.

Jef: I didn’t cry, but I did get excited once I realized what was happening.

Dude, was it just me though, or did you think her brains were gonna fry when she passed through the pylons?

I was wincing.

Anupa: Yeah I totally thought that.

It would’ve been Artz-level awesome

But not, because we like her.

Do you notice Jin sounds like a grizzly bear when he speaks English?

His voice deepens like three registers.

Jef: Lol

I was going to say maybe he’s imitating whoever taught him. But he was taught by Sawyer.

Anupa: “I…love you too.”

LOLOL

Imagine he imitated Sawyer?

Jef: Jin with Sawyer’s twang would be awesome.

Anupa: It would be like seeing a black dude with an Irish accent…. WEIRD.

SO?

Jef: Yeah ok my final thoughts: this episode was dope all around and more impressive because it bucked the formula:

It wasn’t about any one character. It worked the whole ensemble, moved everyone into place, AND still had great character moments.

So I give it (drumroll): my faith. I have confidence they can pull off the finale, for sure.

You?

Anupa: What you said.

Whatever, guys. Can we just... do something else now?

Knowing that the ingredients for a good LOST episode is a healthy mix of “!!” and “??” Jef and Anupa will be interrobanging the show’s final season every week. As LOST winds down to its conclusion, can its creators dish out all the needed explanations without resorting to exposition? Can they keep up the mystery without succumbing to just more mindfuckery?  Last week we were pleased to discover that Miles was finding stuff to do, so you can imagine our delight when  he showed up early on in “Recon.” Not that this was a Miles episode anyway, but since the majority of this recap will involve exploring the depths of Sawyer’s  ungodly good looks (along with deciphering Smoke-Locke’s intentions and Sayid’s hilarious newfound nonchalance) I figured I should begin misleadingly. SPOILERS after the jump:

Anupa: Sawyer is so hot. I would lick cake batter off his body.

Jef: Haha ok. Yes. Good start.

Anupa: #justsayin

Okay, but really. I enjoyed this episode a lot; for some reason, Sawyer and Miles make a fantastic team.

I really enjoy watching them together… maybe it’s because they are both sarcastic jerks?

Jef: I think we’re switching places from the Sayid episode. I liked this one in parts, but overall it kinda missed me.

But yes, I like Sawyer and Miles as a team. I also liked their break-up scene where Miles throws him into the locker.

It was very Saved By The Bell.

Anupa: Well, with Sawyer I feel like they’re obviously catering to female fans, so the storyline suffers a bit.

Is that wrong of me to say? I feel like it’s the truth in a sense. It’s very..shirtless-scene, big reveal, witty one liner, wry emotion, shirtless-scene.

Maybe I’m simplifying Sawyer.

Jef: Lol don’t get me wrong—I love Sawyer, no pause, he totally owned last season.

This episode just didn’t feel tight.

Anupa: The logical part of my brain sees that but my female hormones are vehemently disagreeing with you.

Jef: That sounds so menacing!

Ok let’s talk some shit:

Do you think Miles can break bread with ghosts in this reality?

Anupa: I was wondering about that. I think that that might be some type of continuity thing; they all seem to retain the vaguely special/significant things about them, and in terms of Miles, aside from his Dad being whats-his-face-with-the-fake-arm, that’s his “thing.”

Jef: Hm yeah you’re right, and that’s a big testament to how thin his character is in Reality Prime.

Once you erase his daddy issues, there’s not much left aside from him calling Sawyer “boss.”

Anupa: And occasional meany-ness.

Since we’re on the topic of Miles, what did you think of Charlotte’s return?

Jef: They even took away his lechery!

“I have a girlfriend.” Whatever!

The Charlotte thing just felt extra to me.

Of course I like the “everyone is connected” bit, it’s one of the meaningful aspects of the show, but I don’t see the point of it with her. That had NO connection to who she was on the island.

Anupa: Right… it was random.

But didn’t you thinking she looked smoking?

Jef: LOL

Anupa: I totally have a thing for gingers.

Jef: I was waiting for her to get a nosebleed.

Anupa: Gross!!!

Also, I felt like she was totally prying and not just looking for a shirt after her and Sawyer did it.

Like, it almost felt like she was up to something…

Reading too much into it?

Jef: Yeah, it was almost like Miles sent her on purpose, which would tie into the “Recon” theme, but they didn’t sell that.

Anupa: OH. That’s totally it.

DUH.

Jef: Naw, they didn’t make it clear. It’s a miss!

Anupa: Can I just add that you don’t go looking in someone’s drawer when they say they’re going to get a glass of water? That is indicative of a prompt return.

If you’re gonna snoop, do it when they take a dump or shower.

That was just bad timing on her part.

Jef: Yeah and I don’t see the big deal about lying about it.

Just be like “Yo, I found this picture you keep in your drawer with your dead parents because you told me go in the drawer to get a t-shirt.”

Anupa: Also, in other Charlotte-related grievances, why would she give him the screwface when he brought her a flower?

I mean, she has got to be fucking some fly-ass men to turn that down.

Jef: Awwwwww, sunflower and a six-pack.

I’m totally stealing that.

Anupa: Sawyer knows what’s up.

But, I think all of this illustrates that Sideways Sawyer’s storyline was definitely a little thin…

We find out he is still looking for his dad, blah blah blah.

Jef: Yeah I was going to say—what’s the point of giving him this big change of heart, but really he hasn’t had a change of heart?

Anupa: I like how they set it up as ‘this is what would happen if he chose the other path,’ but after that, the episode depended heavily on his swooniness.

Jef: At least Sayid was FORCED into a situation that brought him back to where he was. Here Sawyer’s like, “I chose the path of righteousness! But I’m still gonna kill the motherfucker.”

Wanna head to the island for a bit?

First off what the hell is up with Claire’s tent? It’s made scrap metal and shit?

It looked like the end of The Brave Little Toaster.

Anupa: HAHAHAHA Claire is hilarious.

Also I love The Brave Little Toaster.

They are writing her craziness so poorly.

“AND THEN… SHE WILL NEATLY FOLD THE BLANKET OVER HER CREEPY ANIMAL SKULL CHILD.”

Jef: LOL

Also, her attack on Kate was way too random.

Anupa: Yeah the ambush was dumb, especially since it was preceded by Claire holding Kate’s hand.

I loved that scene when Kate walked in to the tent and was like all like “Yo guy, what is dat?” Because it’s what we’re all thinking, and then Claire got all embarrassed by it.

Jef: It sucks because De Ravin is surprisingly good at being crazy. But yeah the writers are wasting it.

LOL she got all sheepish like “Oh..this old thing?”

Anupa: Once again, too cliche, horror-movie scary

HAH

And then the Kate-Claire hug later on….I wished Claire just committed to the crazy and stabbed Kate in the neck or some shit.

Jef: They’re going back and forth between making her lucid and making her totally insane, and it’s not playing well. Just choose one.

Anupa: Exactly.

Jef: What’d you think of Sayid’s level of crazy?

Anupa: I LOVED IT!

It was hilarious. He looked sooooooo nonchalant. And Naveen Andrews plays bored VERY well.

Come to think of it, everyone who is acting crazy is coming off as hilarious so maybe this is more atrocious than I am interpreting it as.

But didn’t you just guffaw a little when he stayed chilling on that log.

Jef: “Are you ok?”

Anupa: * yawn *

Jef: “No.”

I like that his infection is really just making him emo.

Anupa: He needs to borrow Richard’s guyliner.

Jef: It would be awesome if he was like, “I’m BUSY! God!”

Anupa: From there, what is Smocke’s deal?

Jef: Ok yeah, the episode was ehhh for me but thumbs up for the scene with Smokes and Kate!

That “I had a crazy mother” bit is great Lost because it is an answer and a question at the same time.

Anupa: Right.

I also loved the comparison, that now Aaron has a crazy mother.

First, because it was funny that Smocke called Claire crazy, because she is.

Second, because I do not know what it means for Aaron, but I find it interesting.

Jef: Oh yeah, so many things to think about now with Aaron.

Anupa: Is he going to be the next Smokey?

Jef: Remember back when the psychic told Claire that bad things would happen if anyone else raises Aaron? Now Smokes is pretty much validating Kate’s decision to adopt.

I dunno if he’ll be Smokey—maybe! I still have this feeling that Walt and Aaron play into all this in the same way.

And baby Kwon.

Anupa: Well their presence would be pointless if not.

“Bad things” happen to other people maybe. I.e. Claire goes crazy

Jef: Crazy hot.

Anupa: .

Moving on.

I like how Smocke said he would get everyone off the island, but does that just mean he is moving them to Hydra island… i.e. is he playing a game of semantics?

Jef: AHahahah imagine??

What an asshole!

Anupa: “I did take you off the island, but I didnt say WHERE I was taking you!”

Jef: Fade to black.

Anupa: That would be like the No Homers Club on The Simpsons.

Jef: That would be the craziest finale ever.

Anupa: I am actually losing my mind laughing at the No Homers Club right now—that shit was funny.

Jef: “We said no Homersssss.”

Anupa: HAHAHA YES.

Okay but back to Smocke’s intentions:

Is he good or bad…? What sense are you getting?

Jef: What I love about Smokes is that he’s very upfront about shit.

He’s like “Yeah, I’m that smoke thing.”

“You’re right, I’m not Locke.”

So I believe him that he just wants off the fucking island.

Anupa: Well, not really though… he told everyone that the Smoke Monster killed the people in the temple but he only told certain people that he is the Smoke Monster.

If he really was being straight, he would have said that HE killed the people in the temple.

So, he is being selective to an extent.

Jef: Haha yeah, but you know what I mean right? This where the Satan parallel comes in again, because yeah he’s playing mindgames to his advantage, but he ain’t really lying.

Honestly though, if anyone reading this has some sort of Judeo-Christian knowledge help me out:

Is there a Jacob in there with an evil brother and a crazy mother? Because the whole vibe is biblical to me.

Anupa: True say, guy.

Time to read the bible!

Jef: Noooooooo!

Anupa: Widmore: what is his deal and what is in that locked room?

Jef: Shit, I have no idea.

But I HOPE it is Reality 2 Faraday!

Anupa: I hope it is another Smoke Monster and then there will be a Smoke Monster duel!

ROUND ONE…. FIGHT!

Jef: Oh man smoke vs. smoke, that’s like Sub Zero v. Scorpion.

Anupa: LOL

Jef: Who do you think had the better mirror smash?

Sawyer or Jack?

Anupa: Sawyer, because his was a dreamier smash.

Jef: Fair enough.

Anupa: I still do not understand what Widmore wants with the Island, because now it is Jacob versus Smokey versus Widmore?

Jef: Yeah it’s weird because Widmore wants the island, but Smoke doesn’t.

Where’s the conflict?

Anupa: TRADESIES!

Jef: I guess obvs they have a past together and some unsettled scores…shrugs.

Anupa: Does that shrug denote that you are content to passively watch how this plays out?

Jef: Yup. I dunno what’s up with Widmore but I’m confident it’s going somewhere. It’s not annoying me or nothing.

Anupa: It’s annoying me. Also, because the dude who plays Widmore is on, like, every TV show ever.

So he just seems like a random dude to me instead of *DUN DUN DUN * WIDMORE

He was on The OC for shits sake.

Jef: For real? He must be one of those character actors who blends in all the time because I have no idea who he is.

Anupa: Well he is, because I don’t know his name, he just plays some villainous old white dude.

All the time.

He must be the first guy they call when they are casting a villainous old white guy.

Jef: He’s got this diet-Brian Cox vibe, yeah.

Yo, that cliffhanger was SO WEAK.

“We’re taking the sub.”

WOW. The sub over the BROKEN PLANE?

Anupa: Yeah, it was a little Bruckheimer.

Jef: Well shit, let me just spit my food out.

Anupa: Don’t get any on me.

What is your final verdict?

Jef: I’m giving it the side-eye. It wasn’t bad but I didn’t see the point of half of it. Just a ‘lil !. No ?

Anupa: And I give it a <3

Jef: Gross. You should make “La Fleur” your safe word.

Anupa: Whatever papi! I’m out. BTW I’m taking the sub.

Jef: NO WAY!

"Really, you think I'd be a responsible mother? So nice. Here, take my credit card."

Knowing that the ingredients for a good LOST episode is a healthy mix of “!!” and “??” Jef and Anupa will be interrobanging the show’s final season every week. As LOST winds down to its conclusion, can its creators dish out all the needed explanations without resorting to exposition? Can they keep up the mystery without succumbing to just more mindfuckery? It’s only week two and already the confusion is settling in. SPOILERS after the jump:

Anupa: K

SO

I don’t know if it’s humanly possible but I am even more confused than after the season premiere

Jef: Yeah I mean this is just an initial reaction but this episode kind of sucked pretty hard

It was called “What Kate Does”

I assume the answer is “Sucks.”

Anupa: Truer words have never been spoken

WE GET IT

she RUNS and will DO ANYTHING TO GET WHAT SHE WANTS

The marshall cleared that up for us back in Season 1

Kate could be the most one dimensional character in history. Her arc is always the same: charming, tough, defiant, coward, CRY. REPEAT.

Jef: It irked the hell out of me when Sawyer bounced and she was like “I can bring him back.” The line is delivered like Kate’s a G but really the line just means “I hope Sawyer still likes me?”

Kate’s a little too confident in the power of her privates. But yo Sawyer hasn’t just moved on to another character (Juliet), Sawyer’s moved on to another level altogether. He’s been fleshed out and taken in new directions and you’re right, here’s Kate hitting that one note over and over like her piano’s broken and so BORING.

Anupa: For realsies. Kate has been trying mad hard to get with Sawyer since Juliet died last episode.

Yeah, I mean, both my roommate and I screamed in unison when Sawyer did his whole ring-toss thing. We love emo-Sawyer. I will buy any calendar that he is shirtless on.

Jef: Which is like every calendar he’s possibly in?

You’re good.

Anupa: Calendars for every possible place I can ever be in.

What do you think about Sawyer dipping?

Jef: That’s fair. This is what I’m saying about Sawyer’s development. He’s essentially the same dude but he’s grown. He isn’t bouncing just because, ‘Oh that Sawyer, such a lone wolf!” He’s bouncing because he hates these people. They left him for dead. Then came back and tried to save him and he didn’t need saving. Now they’re trapped in some stupid temple and Sawyer is right, the shit is stupid and boring. Sawyer is +1 for breaking out.

Anupa: Yeah but the thing that makes chain-like noises..SHHH!

I am a self-professed pussy though, so I would pull a Hurley and just cool out in the temple.

Jef: Which brings us to ugh, the temple

Anupa: This temple irritates me. The Temple of No Answers.

Jef: STILL not feeling Fu-Manchu and his John Lennon sidekick

Anupa: Why did he have to speak another language in the first place if he was just going to end up speaking English. UNNECESSARY.

Jef: Guy, I have a whole list of unnecessary shit that happened in this episode

This episode was mad fan fiction-ish

Anupa: HAHAHA

(Aside: my mom writes fan fiction for a Bollywood soap opera. It is mad embarrassing but I`ma embrace shit in 2010)

Shall we explore your unnecessary list?

Jef: Haha. To be clear, I don’t hate fan fiction. But I don’t want my canon to feel like the shit I can just write myself when I’m high.

Okay yeah, I’ll just give examples but just a few because they are boring

But look:

WHY does the temple lackey tell Kate “Better not slow us down?” She’s the reason you’re going after Sawyer in the first place. It’s a stupid fucking line

Anupa: Agreed.

Jef: WHY are there those guards blocking the door to Fu-Manchu’s bonsai garden office, but then Jack is just all “Step aside.” And then they just STEP ASIDE.

I have a WHOLE LIST of this shit.

Anupa: (That’s kind of like Kate completely ignoring the fact that she FLEW IN WITH SUN and that obviously Jin wanted to go with her so he could track Sun as well and then being all like ‘psh, whatever Jin’)

Jef: Oh and don’t forget my fucking favourite:

“Take my credit card.”

Anupa: AHAHAHAHHA

Jef: “TAKE MY CREDIT CARD”?

Anupa: That better get answered!!!!

Jef: There can’t be an answer for that!

Yeah, Kate can do something cool with the card I guess, and it can tie back to Claire

but there is NO REASON for this girl to give her a fucking credit card

Anupa: That is what must happen for me to justify that whole back and forth actually happening

Let us move on from shitty plot points to another shitty arc: this whole Sayid being possessed and needing to take a poison pill thing

I was kind of impressed that Jack popped that thing into his mouth; that would have been a most satisfactory way for the writers to off him since I hate him

Jef: I want the writers to realize that Jack doesn’t have to suck!

Anupa: Tweet them.

Jef: Because whoever wrote this episode wasted our time

Here is what they did to waste an hour:

1) Jack must give pill to Sayid because Sayid must take pill willingly

2) Jack is of course wary, struggles with dilemma

3) Jack takes the pill himself

4) Fu-Manchu reveals the pill is full of poison

5) My brain explodes because if the pill is just full of poison, why does Sayid have to take it willingly?

Anupa: I know. He made it sound like it was full of magic.

Jef: OK I just got it now: Whoever is in that body has to poison themselves willingly?

Anupa: Whatever!

Jef: I’m hating all of this.

Anupa: Me too. Imagine I gave up on Lost right now.

I won’t, but imagine?

Anyway, let’s move off of that stupid storyline on to more interesting things… LIKE CLAIRE.

So she stumbles out of the cab after Kate carjacks it and we discover she is indeed pregnant!

Jef: Pretty! I would buy a Claire calendar if she didn’t photograph so horribly. (Sorry Claire)

Anupa: (She also blubbers a lot and it makes me want to hit you for liking her)

Blubbering + Aussie accent = worst sound in the world

Jef: (I don’t have many options on this show. I refuse to crush on Kate.)

Oh but I love the Aussie accent. Look how off topic we are! My bad.

Anupa: UM HELLO? SUN!

Jef: Yes, but Sun looks like someone I know.

ANYWHOOS.

Anupa: Don’t you remember the episode she wore a bikini? Cus I do!

YAO!

Jef: RIP Ana Lucia and Naomi (She looked like <3)

Anupa: (ah yes, Naomi. I would.)

LOL

Okay so Claire meets Kate, they become friends, ETHAN SHOWS UP, Aaron gets name-dropped, turns out it’s a false alarm, Claire does Kate a solid

What the shitfuck is Ethan doing there?

Jef: Yeah, the Ethan thing was another example of how sloppy this episode was

Not only do they not convey ANY of the significance of him being there — I’m not creeped out, I’m not surprised, I’m NOTHING — but they have that useless scene where Kate is like ‘Where’s the doctor?’ And she rushes to find the doctor. And it’s all for absolutely no reason.

Anupa: I think I might have missed that last part because I was tweeting about how boring the episode was.

Jef: You might have missed it because it was useless.

Do we have anything cool to talk about?

Anupa: Yes

When Fu Manchu reveals the horrible sickness and says he knows about it BECAUSE IT HAPPENED TO YOUR SISTER

and then Jin gets trapped in a bear claw trap thingy and a dutty Claire shoots the others to ‘help’ him

Jef: Ayo, “Because it happened to your sister” is an AWESOME ending.

Too bad it wasn’t the ending?

When we see Claire it’s a double reveal. BORING.

Anupa: No way Jose.

Jef: Haha

Anupa: They just talked about her. Then we actually get to SEE her. Alive.

Jef: Acting all French and shit.

Anupa: Hannah (Editor: i.e. The Roomate) and I screamed like losers at the end like ‘Why is this happening to our lives?’

OMG they took her bhaby

Is that really all that happened?

Jef: I dunno, this is why all this new shit is kind of missing me

It’s season 3 redux. It’s the weirdass ‘Others’ again, they’re even literally another group of the Others, but the Others mystique is kinda gone, isn’t it?

Anupa: Yeah. Now I am just anticipating some time-sucking, vague-ass shit from them

We will lie to you and then get caught in our lies and then something!

Jef: Oh yeah, the lies and shit

Like the mind games with the pill is SO Juliet in the fish tank with the food

But that was back when the Others were actually mysterious, like 3 years ago

Anupa: On the Island apparently mysteriousness is not passe

Jef: Tell me more about Richard! I don’t care about Fu-Manchu.

Anupa: Even though he is your bredren?

Jef: I am blowing mysterious dust at you.

Anupa: But I am possessed by not-Jacob so you cannot harm me.

Lost is the worst show ever.

Jef: I give this episode an “!”.

Lots of shocks and reveals. No genuine mystery.

Anupa: Can I give it a middle finger?

We are everybody! But who the hell is this guy?

Knowing that the ingredients for a good LOST episode is a healthy mix of “!!” and “??” Jef and Anupa will be interrobanging the show’s final season every week. As LOST winds down to its conclusion, can its creators dish out all the needed explanations without resorting to exposition? Can they keep up the mystery without succumbing to just more mindfuckery? SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER. Shit gets geeky after the jump:

Jef: Ok

let’s Interrobang this shit

Anupa: Word

you start

Jef: The OPENING

When Blondie hits the bomb with the rock and it goes white and then we start AGAIN with Jack opening his eyes

How’d you feeeeel?

Anupa: Dude, i watched the “leaked” four minutes. and my immediate reaction was “here we go again, ugh!” but then….Jack looked disoriented, and then CINDY handed him one bokkle of vodka instead of two!

so i figured, okay they’re on to something

Jef: Bokkle! I avoided the leak, because that’s how I roll. When the camera dives into the ocean and we see the whole shit underwater though, that was cheesy, right? Just me?

Anupa: It was mad cheesy

and mad frustrating

the graphics were so bad too, and i was watching it on HD!

Jef: HD ruins everything!

Anupa: Did your heart not melt when Rose and Bernard were eskimo kissing and shit?

i love them, and i hope they tie into the ultimate ending somehow.

Jef: Omg NO. I hate Bernard and Rose! This recap is over.

Anupa: “Heartless”-kanye west

Jef: How do you feel about Desmond being on the plane??

Anupa: Um

Jef: In terms of the interrobang, that gets a big ?? from me

Anupa: First of all, Desmond is probably one of my favourite characters so I was initially excited to see him. But really, it’s just a big WTF because it raises a million other questions

one of which is, so where’s Penny?

Jef: Yes and YES, brother

Anupa: LOL

and i was kind of confused that Jack didn’t recognize him from LA

i mean, how long did it take them to figure that out on the island?

Jef: You’re exactly right. If everything up to the plane ride is essentially the same, then he SHOULD recognize him from jump

but that’s the other ?? part — shit is NOT the same up to the plane ride

Anupa: YEAH

Jef: Hence why Hurley is now “the luckiest guy in the world”

Anupa: YEAH

when he said that I yelled at the TV “no you’re not!”

also, Sawyer still seemed smarmy, but not surly

Jef: Moreso though: parallel universe!! are you okay with this?

Anupa: No.

Jef: Haha

Anupa: Honestly, i refuse to believe they’d make it this complicated

Jef: Didn’t you watch Star Trek?

Anupa: Yeah, TNG

Jef: No no, the JJ Abrams reboot. With Neytiri and the sexy guys.

I feel you on the complication factor, but multiverses get me kind of hard, even though they rarely pull through and be the awesome they can be

Anupa: I’m still stuck on them (Cuse and Lindeloff) saying back around s.3 that there would be a logical explanation for everything.

but okay… so we’ve basically got to accept the fact that instead of the past couple of seasons moving back and forth through time, we’ve got two separate (maybe) realities happening, correct?

Jef: Exactly. We’ve gone from flashbacks, to flash-forwards, to time travel, to diff. realities

i’m cool with all that, but what gets me is how they’re going to reconcile this

do we end up with 2 Jacks and 2 Sawyers etc meeting face to face or sending messages through the ether?

Anupa: That would be really cool. jumping ahead, that would be really cool in the context of that awesome Jack/Locke scene in the airport

what did you make of Charlie stuffing the drugs down his throat then being all “thanks but no thanks” to Jack?

Jef: It hit a good note, because it drives home that a lot of went down on the island was about redemption and second chances

Jack gets to erase some deaths and more importantly his broken boo-hoo heart, but he screws over mad people in the process

Anupa: Hey, didn’t Locke totally fool you into thinking “well, since everything else is different, maybe he’s not in the wheelchair?” after that convo with Boone? Turns out that he was lying.

Jef: BOOOOONE

yo did Maggie Grace flop on them or something? Boone without the creepy sister love is just a dude with Gossip Girl hair

Anupa: I think that was one of the saddest things of the whole two hours for me. Seeing Locke, who became such a Robinson Crusoe through his adventures, back to not having experienced any of that

Jef: Oh god, so much of Locke makes me sad! We’ll get to that later.

Are you sad about Juliet?

Anupa: I am sad about Juliet, mostly in the context of Sawyer/Juliet

Jef: Yes, Juliet made Sawyer awesome

Anupa: But also because she was a great character

i wish they explored what she would have been privy to knowing

Jef: You’re right though, we got no knowledge from Juliet. And we spent a YEAR with the Dharma initiative and didn’t learn anything except that they were a bunch of drunken hippies

But the Bigger Mystery has been revealed for us!

How do you feel about Jacob?

Anupa: I’m not convinced that he’s good. Just because he seems like he’s “helping” the characters we know

and is the adversary of the Man in Black/Fake Locke/Smokey

I think the writers have led us to make assumptions, but haven’t really given us anything concrete

Jef:  Two things about Jacob:

Anupa: Shoot.

Jef: I’m not feeling how he’s appeared in all of their lives previously. This does NATHAN for me — I already knew everyone was connected. This just made the connection stupid for me.

and 2) he just looks like some scruffy T-dot hipster dude in a bar!

Anupa: Hahaha, he totally does. We should call him @jacob

Jef: Done! @jacob

Anupa: Well he didn’t appear in EVERYONE’S life did he?

Jef: RT @jacob (korean korean)

no, you’re right. at least not “yet”.

Anupa: So moving off of Jacob, what about the big reveal re: MIB/Smokey

That was cool

Any ideas as to what Smokey actually is?

Jef: I’m just glad smokey is an actual character

i thought they were gonna rest on the whole “it’s a guard dog” thing

But as they reduced some of the mystical shit down to digestible terms, they also introduced some other mumbo jumbo

i.e. Asian Fu-Manchu man and the Lazarus pit

I’M NOT FEELING ASIAN FU-MANCHU MAN

Anupa: He’s such a snob. “I don’t like the way English tastes on my tongue”

And trimming his little plants

Jef: Oh god i know

WHYYY

Anupa: It’s okay

Jef: I understand the need for the writers to throw in every genre trope from the treasure chest, but that shit wasn’t so much offensive as it was unnecessary. I get nothing from that. I felt like I was watching Xena.

Anupa: I watched Xena for a bit. Then it got insane and extra for a show about a hot fighting chick

Jef: I totally went through a Xena phase! (that sounds wrong?)

Anupa: And honestly, they’re just fucking with obsessives, because now I’m going to be fixated on why he doesn’t speak Engrish.

Jef: Grrrr.

So the internet is saying that Jacob is now in the body of Sayid.

Anupa: I totally think that.

Jef: Poor Sayid.

Anupa: Here’s the thing about the temple water though

IF Fumanchu’s hand didn’t heal

why did he decide to dunk Sayid?

Jef: Oh yes, lots of not-sense going on in that temple!

Anupa: AND, when Sayid didn’t wake up, how come they didn’t freak the fuck out? After breaking open the ankh and reading the paper (list?) he said if Sayid died they’d be in a lot of trubz.

Jef: YES

Anupa: Instead, he went back to pruning

Jef: Temple: Hated It.

Anupa: Sun/Jin: Do you think maybe the “reset” altered Sun and Jin’s course… and maybe Sun actually can’t speak English?

Jef: Oh wow. That makes as much sense as the Hurley thing, so yes, maybe

And I’m sad that Jin is still an asshole

Anupa: Some people think Claire might not be pregnant, but then she’d have a completely different reason for going to LA. Thoughts?

Jef: We didn’t see the belly, huh?

I dunno, I’m just glad to have Claire back. She’s pretty!

I think the biggest new-universe development is Jack’s missing father-body.

Foreboding!

Anupa: Forebody-ing

Jef: *applause*

Is Christian not able to travel across realities?

Did it wake him up?

I hate you, Christian.

Anupa: I think the Christian thing might be the most confusing element yet

I have absolutely no theories on it

Jef: On some fun shit though: who are you looking forward to returning?

aside from Claire, of course, because she is pretty

Anupa: Walt and Libby

Jef: LIBBY

haha Walt

Anupa: WAAAALT

Jef: They NEED to resolve Walt, but I also HATE Walt

Anupa: Those are probably two fascinating stories that won’t get told

Spin-off!

Locke:

Jef: OH YES.

When Smokey-Locke is like, ‘Locke’s dying thoughts were “I don’t understand”‘

that shit just broke my heart

The show had these two typical themes that 1) we can start over again and 2) we had a destiny. Locke embodied these things and wiping him out in THAT way puts the show in this sad place where ok yeah, we get free will, but we already HAD that.

The fantasy was that all our fucked up choices either could be erased or we could find redemption or that they were all a part of a Bigger Plan. Locke dying is depressing. Extra for the way he went out. But holy crap GOOD TELEVISION!

Anupa: Yeah, they completely built up this whole validating arc and then dashed it.

How wonderful would it be if Jack/Locke in LA worked as a team to interact with/affect what happens on the island?

Jef: And in the end, it’s WHEELCHAIR Locke that proves to be the most powerful character?

Anupa: Yes.

Jef: Hey wow. I believe you.

So was the premier a ! or a ? for you?

or an INTERROBANG?

Anupa: Definitely an interrobang

i’m thoroughly confused

Jef: Yes. But satisfied.