Mayer Hawthorne & The County, Opera House, Oct. 15

True story, I once saw Mayer Hawthorne open up for Peanut Butter Wolf at a Stones Throw show a couple of years back except instead of watching the folksy-soul singer, I took a powernap in a cozy corner of Revival instead. Whoops! I was tired, and the power nap helped us power up for the rest of the night. There are regrets though, but amends can be made tonight at Opera House for the constantly touring Mayer Hawthorne’s latest Toronto stop. Take in the Stones Throw-sanctioned act with backing band The County. More info, $17.50.

Restorations and FREE screenings at the Bell Lightbox, Oct. 16 & 17

Night and Fog, director Alain Resnais’ controversial Nazi death camp flick, is screening for FREEZE (i.e. $0) Saturday at 3:00 p.m. Also dope that very same day? A restoration print of Satyajit Ray’s The Chess Players at 8:00. If you can’t make it out on Saturday, drop by on Sunday for a restoration of Kurosawa’s Rashomon — which is already gorgeous in full screen on sketchy VHS — at 4:30 (with the archive director in attendance to discuss the restoration process), or City of God at 7:00. Or you could hit the multiplex and watch the latest Katherine Heigl romp, it’s your life. More info, FREE, $12.00, $18.74 (some student discounts) -jc

UFC international, YOUR TV, Oct. 16

UFC 120 is screening for free on SPIKE this weekend, a treat for anyone tired of shelling out a wad of cash everytime they want to see two guys in a cage trying to kill each other. Or you could just hit a bar, you know, it’s your life. But yeah, 120′s card is being held in London with an international draw for the main event: evil bloke Michael Bisping vs. soft-spoken Japanese sexy guy Yoshihiro Akiyama. Should be entertaining — neither of these guys likes to get lazy. BONUS: Mississauga/T-dot’s own Claude Patrick is fighting early on the card. Patrick will need your support, being the out-of-towner against Brit James Wilks. Clap for him! More info, FREE -jc

“I’m not gay. My boyfriend is,” answered Ring, deadpan, to the show’s producers according to a fellow cast-mate. And that’s the confusing (and highly amusing) dance he’s been dancing for a long time now. For most, the possibility of Ring’s gayness started on TUF when the well-spoken Canadian flaunted a well-tuned flamboyance to make his rivals uneasy around him. But it seems to be an affectation Ring has been using since way before — his nickname, “the Promise”, creates a fun wordplay with his surname that is far from the usual tough guy monikers found in a sport full of “Pit Bulls”, “Hammers”, and even an “Axe Murderer”.

If you didn’t watch the 11th season of TUF (who could blame you?) Ring wrote a nice summary of how all the gay rumours started, or how he started them, on his recap blog:

From their bedroom, McCray loudly asks me a loaded question that goes a little bit like “Hey Ring, Why would you get a massage from a dude at 3 AM?” I knew exactly where he was trying to go with this one so I thought fuck it – I’ll play, so I answered “because I’m a big queer”.

They started laughing hard in disbelief at my remark, and I walked into their room and leaned my shoulder up against the doorway while I flossed my teeth.

I knew that my reply would likely take most of the wind out of their sails but being the couple of Neanderthals they are, they relented by saying that I’m standing gay and tried telling me that I need to change my posture blah blah blah. I just thought it was funny so just poured it on more until they dropped it…

I didn’t realize how funny that would actually look on camera, but I was just kind of doing my thang. Me and my friends always joke around like this and I guess some people aren’t used to that, I got labelled a queer in the house pretty fast due to some of the shit that comes out of my mouth hahaha. I wasn’t really too bothered by it though, I know who I am and my friends back home know me and will just laugh about it anyway.

His antics didn’t stop there. Ring also reportedly enjoyed running around the house in his underwear, chasing homophobic teammate Jamie Yager. His “oh-no-you-di’int” finger wag was a favourite gesture. And though his commentary on the whole matter suggests (without actually denying, of course) that he was just acting gay to roll with the punches, his lispy speech patterns and gay-or-just-Canadian? demeanor appeared to be a natural part of his charm. It held up even during serious moments, like when he had to reluctantly inform his coach he was nursing a serious injury. Post TUF, his Facebook profile pic featured him with pursed lips in the middle of a pinkie-up swig of white wine, and the info on his page still reads “Possibly the most Queer guy in MMA…Ok?”

All of this, of course, means nothing, at least not about Ring’s orientation. But already just the insinuation of Ring’s queerness has forced MMA fans to entertain the idea of not just an openly gay fighter in their manly-man sport, but a really, really good openly gay fighter. Because straight up, Ring is a pleasure to watch. A former kickboxer with dozens of matches under his belt, he’s a wonder on his feet. Several of his victories came via TKO. He submitted someone with strikes. Fellow Canuck Bill Mahood submitted to him verbally. No slouch on the ground either.

Ring actually being gay would be great for the sport. Not only would it force some of the slower fans to grow up and come to terms with their notions about gay men, but it could also help some of MMA’s deriders to re-think their opinions about the cage being only a stomping ground for, as Ring puts it, Neanderthals. (Not that there were no gay Neanderthals.) It could also help put an end to all those smug pseudo-intellectual dismissals of MMA being homoerotic or “totally gay.” Yes, a gay fighter would accomplish that — by underscoring that two guys rolling around in a cage is a far cry from two guys rolling around in a bed. Which it is. (For the record, something is erotic or homoerotic only if it turns you on or is trying to turn you on or features people getting turned on. Got it? Now hurry, you’re late for your cultural studies class.)

My ultimate hope though is that his persona and the minor kerfuffle it has raised makes gay athletes feel more open to trying out the sport, or to publicly coming out if they’re already here. While Ring has of course endured his share of juvenile jokes, he has also been welcomed into many locker rooms and competition spheres. UFC president Dana White has already said his organization welcomes gay fighters to the fold. Ring — whether the self-started rumours are true or not — has proven that White was more or less being sincere. Ring has shown that that’s what you get when you fight as undeniably well as he does. That, and maybe even some 3 a.m. massages too.

(Hat tips to Cage Potato)

Video (and awesome soundtrack) after the jump:

It’s hard to see, but for anyone who cares, the move Frank used to win was an omoplata. Which isn’t as badass as a Dragonzord missle, but close. MMA girls breaks it down for you here.

News via
Image via

Total Into the Wild type shit, made extra tragic for the fact that he actually name-checks that book/movie in his blog to quell concerns that his desert trip was some sort of suicide mission or cry for help:

“It seems some MMA (Mixed Martial Arts) websites have reported on the story, posting up that I might die out in the desert, or that it might be my greatest opponent yet, etc. Come on, guys. It’s really common down in Southern California to go out to the off-road recreation areas in the desert about an hour away from LA and San Diego…So my plan is to go out to the desert, do some camping, ride the motorcycle, and shoot some guns. Sounds like a lot of fun to me. A lot of people do it. This isn’t a version of ‘Into the Wild.’”

Sadly, that’s exactly what it turned out to be. Check it out — not only for the feel-good spirit, but also because seeing him post pictures of his trip preparation is all sorts of eerie. It works on several levels depending on how messed up of a person you are. Yay!

For something a bit more lighthearted, I also highly recommend Dock Ellis & The LSD No-No, a digital baseball-themed short from the people at No Mas TV and artist James Blagden. I don’t want to go into too much detail because you should just watch the shit, but for background, Blagden animated the late Pittsburgh Pirate’s NPR-produced recounting of how he infamously pitched a no-hitter against San Diego in 1970, which he accomplished while TOTALLY BLITZED OUT ON LSD. It’s a lot of fun and a great tribute to Ellis, who died of cirrhosis at the too-young age of 63 while on the wait list for a new liver. Sign those organ donor forms, people.

You’ll NEVER have a story this great to tell:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_vUhSYLRw14&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0]

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Good workout, Rangers. Meet you at the juicebar!

Remember when you were a kid and you used to talk shit about Jean-Claude Van Damme? You swore you could kick his ass in real life because he was just a ballerina and probably French. Well, you were wrong on two accounts – he’s Belgian and a former middleweight full-contact Karate fighter. That doesn’t mean you couldn’t have kicked his ass though; traditional martial arts back then had very little connection to so-called real fighting (i.e. my brother grabbing my wrists and making me hit myself).

This current era of mixed martial arts bodes something different, however. Now if a Hollywood type tells you he/she trains in martial arts on the side, whether because they genuinely love the sport, did it for a movie role, or is a douchebag, you have reason to be worried. Under a decent trainer, even the most sometimey weekend warrior has the ability to knock you out or put you in a toehold. Hell, BJ Penn never even trains and he’s a goddam UFC champion.

But if everyone from Morgan Freeman down to Zac Efron is potentially dangerous, how do you know when to tread softly? To help, here is a list of my favourite celebrity-types you shouldn’t challenge to a bar fight: 

David Mamet
It’s not surprising that playwright/filmmaker David Mamet (Glengarry Glen Ross, The Untouchables screenplay) would be fascinated with martial arts. His work is filled with tough-as-nails talk and often examines themes of modern masculinity. What is suprising is that Mamet himself, 61 years old, holds a purple belt in Brazilian jiu-jitsu. That bit of news came to light when Mamet was doing promo for his MMA-themed film, Redbelt. Check out his piece for the Guardian, where he waxes poetic about MMA and capitalism, claiming the sport to be “the true marketplace of ideas.” Mamet’s the type whose shit talking makes you feel dumb while he’s tapping you out. “I grew up in a tough neighborhood and we used to say you can get further with a kind word and a gun than just a kind word,” he says. Jesus.

Rakaa from the Dilated Peoples
MC Rakaa Iriscience has been training at the Gracie Academy in Torrence, Cali for a decade now. Listen to his rhymes and you might hear a punchline or two about armbars. Who knew with all the vids floating around of underground rappers punching each other out, that it would be the cuddly Care Bear from the fucking Dilated Peoples you really had to worry about? “The Gracie family has also welcomed me in and always made me feel at home,” he says. Which, if you know anything about the Gracies and their sense of home, means smoking a big joint and then beating the shit out of each other. When Rakaa says his peoples come first, now you know who he’s talking about. Just look at the floor when they pass by and you should be OK.

Joe Rogan
Yeah, yeah, duh. Rogan is nowadays best known as a UFC colour commentator, so it’s no surprise he’s well versed in the combat arts and studies under the very innovative Eddie Bravo (creator of “the rubber guard”, the biggest development in ground fighting since, well, Gracie jiu-jitsu). But let’s take a moment here to remember that Rogan, even before he landed his gig as a second-rate Jeff Probst on Fear Factor, was this guy on the wicked ensemble comedy Newsradio. Back then, Rogan was nothing more than Newsradio‘s version of Joey from Friends. Now he’ll sooner plum you for knees than perform a pratfall. Too bad he never got to fight this guy:

Wesley Snipes
Once upon a time me and some friends were attending a Sunny Tang tournament here in Ontario. And who did we spot in the rafters right in front of us? None other than Wesley Snipes, chilling alone with his bodyguard behind him, sitting in freakish concentation as he watched the contestants. Anyway, a big story back in 2005 was that Snipes was gonna throw down in the octagon with Joe Rogan. Which would have been awesome. Snipes has been a practicioner for years, showing a preference for practical traditional arts such as Shotokan karate, a stlye that has recently regained popularity due to UFC light-heavyweight champion Lyoto Machida. But 2005 was also the jumpoff for Snipes’s various legal and financial battles; the fight never happened and the batshit crazy actor disappeared. I like to think he went bankrupt, moved to the woods and spends his days still in character as Blade, practicing double-leg takedowns on grizzly bears. Everybody’s got to have a dream, and that’s mine.

Ron van Clief
After Jim Kelly established the archetype of jive-talking kung-fu black dude in Bruce Lee’s Enter the Dragon, Ron van Clief took the baton and ran with it. Known to fans as “The Black Dragon”, van Clief became a staple of 70s blaxploitation flicks, with later work as a fight choreographer (the awesome cult film The Last Dragon) and doing voiceovers for the more recent Kung Faux series. Van Clief, a Goju-Ryu and Wing Chun kung-fu master, proved that your dad is a pussy when he enterd the Ultimate Fighting Championship at the age of 51 (still a UFC record), back when it was pretty much pit fighting and everybody was just trying to kill each other. He was the only action movie star to put up or shut up. He lasted almost four minutes against Royce Gracie, which is saying alot considering back then Gracie was tapping younger dudes out in under half that time. What did he do after that? Why he worked for the UFC, then won the All American Karate Championship at age 60. I repeat: your dad sucks.

Jason David Frank
A personal hero of mine best known as the original Green Ranger on Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers, Frank recently inked a deal to compete in MMA (that’s him in the the pic up top). Which is ballsy, because who doesn’t want to punch a power ranger in the face? Yeah, especially you, Billy. But Frank is the real deal. He was a blackbelt before he lost his virginity (unless he lost it at 11, I dunno. Can I get a fact check someone?) and over the years developed his own style of karate called Tose Kune Do based on the principles of Bruce Lee. Which sounds like he just ripped off Lee’s Jeet Kune Do and gave it its own name, but whatever. He gets a pass because he totally got with the Pink Ranger, right? Am I right? Hi-five. He’s tatted up, he’s worked on his ground game, he’s got weird facial hair, he’s ready to go. I kinda hope whoever his first opponent is mockingly enters the ring like a putty monster, only to have Frank knock him out with a mean right cross, followed by a missile from his Dragonzord. Everyone’s got a dream, ok? That’s my second one. Oh and please visit the homepage of his clothing line, “Jesus Didn’t Tap”, so you can hear their awesome theme song, “Jesus Didn’t Tap.” Hot shit.

Shannon Elizabeth
About a decade ago, Elizabeth picked up an Israeli martial art called krav maga while training for a movie called Tomcats (snicker). She loved the art so much she continued to train even after the film had wrapped. I’m not sure whether or not she still trains, but either way she’s dangerous. Krav maga doesn’t mess around, focusing on vicious groin strikes, eye gouges, anything to get the job done effieciently and without fuss. It was developed to train the Israeli military quickly and easily, specifically with the idea in mind that someone shouldn’t have to train for years to learn how to fight properly. Aside from all that, Elizabeth is like twelve feet tall. Did you see her on Dancing with the Stars? She’s not just a tomboy, she’s a monster. You can read GQ’s account of what it’s like to roll with Elizabeth here.

Ed O’Neill
Forever better known as Al Bundy from Married With Children, O’Neill earned his black belt in brazilian jiu-jitsu in 2007. At age 61, O’Neill became one of a relatively small club of Gracie black belt practicioners — you can watch his belt ceremony here. O’Neill embodies what this here list is all about. Make whatever jokes you will, he can probably kill you if he wanted to. Just look at the grin on his face as he slides his hand down his belt like the Bundy days of yore. He’s daring you to laugh. Laugh, Marcy Darcy. Go ahead. Let’s see what happens. Just ask sport legend and UFC founder Rorion Gracie: “Ed has…great execution of the techniques and does them with a certain level of ease. We’ve worked this guy every single week for 15 years.” Good to know the National Organization of Men Against Amazonian Masterhood has some real muscle behind them now.